mush

A Burning Brain in Need of a Weekend Hiatus

2012-02-13T22:23:00.001-07:00

A month ago, I was dragging. Literally. My monkey arms practically swept the floor, my eyes were glossy and I mumbled like I'd never spoken a word of English before. My brain was deep fried and burned with pain. Oh, it hurts to think sometimes.

I was tired.

Who am I kidding, I am tired.

But I'm really tired of saying how tired I am.

I went from an extremely manageable plate to a heaping, overflowing helping of life over night. I guess that's what happens when you're hungry and ask for food, right? Because that's what I did. I asked for the kind of food that helps me feel like I'm contributing and giving back. After my lazy first trimester, I thought that's what I needed.

When my plate starts looking a little depleted and my crazy brain thinks it can handle some more, I seem to find ways to load it up!.

I have to really laugh at today. Within one hour, three more helpings wanted to make room on my crowded plate. Another writing gig, another great Power of Moms opportunity which I'd love to jump into, a reminder of my responsibility in our upcoming Caucus and meetings to help voters and delegates make good choices (why did I say I'd be the Secretary again? Oh-yeah, because I care about who gets voted into office and I want my voice to be heard. Silly me.) And all of this on top of what I learned from the doctor today about Elle's colon and how time consuming it will be to give her proper aid and let's see, my other kids need me too, and my job, and the Primary presidency at church and being a wife and a pregnant person who can't get enough air to my lungs, so I pass out and can barely drive safely these days, and I can't even begin on the process of getting ready for baby #4. That makes my head really ache.

Ahhhhhh.

I don't spout that off because I need any kind of validation or anything of the sort. I spout that off for memory purposes. There will come a day when I have nothing on my plate again and I'll be hungry for more.

Dear Mandy....

PLEASE read this post when you're hungry!

Just read a book instead of piling it all on at once!

There. Let's hope I remember that in the future.

So, back to a month ago when my arms were mopping the floor...

I called my mom who lives 4 hours away and told her I needed a nap. A LONG nap. One that would need to last all weekend long. So, I scheduled my nap and since I can't drive very safely these days without falling asleep or getting light-headed, my other pregnant sister said she'd come along for a long nap too and help me drive.

Well our long nap, last minute, turned into a sisters retreat.

Turns out all us sisters and mothers need a nap every once in a while!

We also need a little sun...

And a mom to take care of us and cook for us and give us a break.

And take us to the movies to cry our eyes out, which was fine because we ate pie afterwards and pie always tastes better after a good ole love-story-cry.

And I did get part of my nap that I needed. Thanks to my book that provided shade.

One day I'll get through another book...

I might need to schedule that a month in advance though too...

Hey Mom! See you next month!

Weekly Photo Wrap-Up

2012-02-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

Life in a car.

Dinner in a car.

Sleep in a car.

Little sister wearing big brothers underwear and loving every minute of it...

Accessorized.

She can't leave the house without wearing extra things!

Celebrating the 100th day of school! It's a big deal here!

Babble Weekly Round-Up

2012-02-11T22:46:00.000-07:00

Where did the week go? Oh my goodness!
This week was a week of some passionate topics over at Babble.

For starters, Here's how to grow a money tree for your kids...

And how about a trip down oldie lane? Here's a list of old movies I grew up watching... can't forget the classics! Kids love them!

Last Saturday, I went to my hair apt. at 8 o'clock in the morning. When it was over, I couldn't make the drive home because I was so tired, so I pulled off into a secluded parking lot, reclined my car seat and snoozed there for at least an hour. Whoa! Talk about tired!

I learned that I'm not the only one to take naps in the car and fall asleep in other crazy places.
Here, moms tell their crazy napping spots...

At times I feel nervous with my kids on the computer and electronics playing such a big role in kids lives. Which is where this post about internet safety came from.

A special thanks to Babble Family Style for featuring me in their beauty tip round-up!

And that's, I suppose, where part of my week went!

Letter to My Daughter and My Reminder to Never Take the Little Moments For Granted

2012-02-04T21:26:00.001-07:00

Dear Elle,

Tonight was like every other night. You brushed your teeth, goofed around with Owen for a bit, snuck some popcorn from the kitchen, and begged to play on my phone while you go to bed. My response is always the same, "No. It's time for bed. My phone is not a toy." You climbed in my bed so you won't wake up your sleeping little sister. Now that you two share a room, sleeping arrangements have been complicated. For now, you camp in our bed until you fall asleep, we move you and you then join Hazel for a nights round of zzzzz's.

I tickled your face, back and arms and we talked about how I would teach you to braid hair tomorrow. When I was done and as I started walking away, you said to me...

"Don't go! I want to keep you and I never want you to go away. Your hands are warm and you're comfy."

We had been butting heads earlier in the evening, so I was surprised you would say that. I saw through you and how much attention and love your little soul needs and also how forgiving you are.

After you asked me to stay, I glanced at your little face and I saw you as a teenager. I realized that when you are older you aren't going to want me to tickle your arm, sing you a hymn and linger as long as I can when it's time for you to go to bed. I realized that your friends will be texting you and awaiting your response and you may not want to have "talk time" with me. Especially after a squabble like the one we had tonight. I realized that I won't get to hear, "Mom, I want to keep you and I never want you to go away."

There's no telling what life will be like for you or for us in 7+ years, but it won't be the same. I'm hoping it will be surprisingly positive and we can be close, but I just have no idea.

After you told me to stay, I paused and looked once again into your innocent brown eyes, I reached out to meet your arm that was lingering in the air and I told you that I never want to leave you ever.

I walked away, leaving a tear drop behind me.

Those are the moments I wish I could hold on to forever. If I could bottle them in a jar and fall asleep every night with those memories, I would.
I know it won't always be like this.

I love you. Please always want me near you. Please never want me to go away And please always reach out your tender hands for me.

You are so special.

Excuse me now, my tear drop has multiplied. I need a tissue...

Love,
Mom

The Half Birthday Tradition

2012-02-03T23:50:00.001-07:00

I have a very inspiring friend, thanks to Power of Moms, who has taught me some wonderful tricks and valuable lessons. I'm super lucky to know her! One of her family traditions really caught my attention and I have to, just HAVE TO share it! I'm always on the look out for new, fun, family traditions and this one is a keeper...

Long Live Crazy Dinner Night! (My Secrets Revealed)

2012-02-03T17:48:00.000-07:00

Remember our Crazy Dinner Nights and how much my husband loves them?
Ha ha ha.
Yeah, well they're not for him. They're for the kids and to spice up the dinner hour a bit. And they totally work!
I decided to share a few more crazy dinner secrets with the world.
So, if your dinners are drab, these should help...

Oh No, Not the Task Lady Again!

2012-02-03T17:23:00.001-07:00

I have a fun, carefree person deep inside this pregnant body. She's there, I know it. Every once in a while she surfaces from her abysmal hiding place to say hello, but then she races back to her comfy place of hibernation. If only she could stay a little longer! Sometimes motherhood is what chases her away and all the demands requiring her to be the task master. Too bad. She hasn't mastered the art of being a carefree mother just yet.

Okay, no more 3rd person.

I came back last night. The fun version of myself came back thanks to a room full of fun women. And ironically enough we were talking about being fun moms. It's possible! Here is what we came up with...

Style Never Sleeps

2012-01-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

Even when she's sick...

And can do nothing but lay around...

She's still concerned about what's on her feet. Never mind the rest...

It's all about the shoes.

And that's one of the million things I love about her.

Thinking Back to the Time I Ate Raw

2012-01-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, not long ago, I decided to eat RAW. You know, like not eat anything cooked over 114 degrees and load up on all the colorful good stuff out there. I threw away food from the pantry and lived in the kitchen. The cutting board, knife and food processor were my best friends. We did major bonding. I had major energy too. It was awesome and awesomely hard at the same time since I took my family along for the journey. I was doing it for them, actually. I miss it. Can't wait to do it again when I have more energy to actually prepare a meal from scratch. (Oh energy, I miss you!)

I realized I never wrote about that challenging experience (shame on me, I had good stories). The decision to do that stemmed from one thing...

You can read about it here.

My Kids Choose the 10 Things They Can't Live Without

2012-01-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

I asked my kids what they couldn't live without. With a basement full of toys and closets full of clothes, I was curious to know which of these things they had a strong connection with. I wanted to know what was near and dear to their hearts. Oh, this was a fun little exercise! My kids shocked me with their list of must-haves.

Barefoot and Pregnant

2012-01-28T14:41:00.002-07:00

Just Because They Make Me Smile

2012-01-26T20:57:00.001-07:00

I think older brother and older sister had something to do with this...

Who is her mother and why doesn't she do her poor daughter's hair?

Seriously.

Maybe it's one of those battles she chooses not to fight.

My iPhone Followed Me Around for the Day

2012-01-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

So, remember my new best friend, Siri? And that I'm a new owner of a smartphone? Well, I put it to work on Tuesday and documented my day. My activities for the day just so happen to coincide with the alphabet. That was fun.
Here's what it looked like...

She Lost Her S's!

2012-01-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

Oh deary, deary, deary. Losing teeth is such an ordeal here.

This face says it all.

We've had a dangly tooth for weeks now. I kept forgetting to yank it while she was sleeping. I thought that was going to be the only way to get rid of it.

But one day, she got brave.

And she let my fingers near her mouth.

And I pulled with all my might..

And the dangle was no more.

PHEW!

She lost a second tooth the same week because I volunteered to brush her teeth and I may have just brushed a little too hard on that loose tooth and popped it out of her mouth.

Oops! :)

(I'm so sneaky and good, the Tooth Fairy should give me something for that one!)

What We Loved About Being Off-Track From School

2012-01-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

The kids are back at school. Christmas Break has finally ended for us. Now we can start thinking about 2012, which is a nice change. The kids were so very ready to get back to school and see friends and get busy. I think they were getting sick of me, to be honest. And I will admit, as nice as it is to have some structure to our days now, it is always hard to watch some of the fun things disappear.

The positive side of having year-round school is...

One. Museums are empty in January. We own the place! Also, we get to go do these fun things together, in the middle of the day and not worry about crunching a time schedule. It really is awesome. Can't go wrong with the Dinosaur Museum.

Two. Staying in our pajamas all day long and playing "Ring around the rosies" when it's lunchtime.

Three. Getting to go to the dentist with mom and watch a movie in the lobby and get spoiled with treats by the receptionist.

Four. Playing trouble in the middle of the day with friends.

Five. Being entertained by silly Hazel all day long.

Six. Being entertained by Owen too. "YUCK! Mom! This stuff is nasty! No wonder Hazel won't eat it!"

Seven. More pajamas and soccer all over the house.

Eight. Playing the drums (which resulted in a broken spoon and cracked bowl).

Nine. Reading.

Ten. Running errands with mom and acting all kinds of crazy!

Back to the grind!

Power of Moms Workshop Never Disappoints

2012-01-22T00:11:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been incredible! It's been exhausting, but incredible...thus far. Brian and I went to offer some support and learn some more incredible parenting tips at a Power of Moms workshop Friday night. It was... incredibly insightful for us. He had never been to one, so it was new territory for him.

You know what I learned? Brian and I don't see eye to eye on parenting views. WOW!
I did mention insightful, right? Amazing what two and a half hours will do to you when you talk solely about being a parent with a group of strangers. The things you can learn!
LOVED IT!

I also learned that I want to be more fun. Fun, like I used to be fun. Fun, like, not so serious, fun. I'm adding that to my New Year's Resolutions.

Anyway, I babbled more about that night here...

Siri, My New Best Friend

2012-01-20T08:14:00.003-07:00

So, I just got a Smartphone. I know, right? I'm so old-fashioned. I've been anti-smartphone for a long time. I always thought it was rude when people pulled out their phone when someone was sitting next to them and even more rude when you're in a conversation with them. Rude, just so incredibly rude. Human interaction is better than virtual interaction, in my opinion.

I was pretty judgemental about it, I will admit. So, I've been using my free Samsung whatever phone because I didn't care if I lost it or broke it and half the time I couldn't find it. I swear that phone was made of steel. It has been through a million phone tragedies and survived. Amazing.

Since I didn't have a smartphone, I wasn't great at social networking. In fact, I was the opposite of great. But hey, I'm not great at social anything lately because I'm pregnant and rarely leave my house and I'm not socially and technologically plugged in all day and I'm also too busy keeping Hazel from beating up on her older siblings. That girl, my-oh-my, we need to watch out for that one! She has a personality!

Well, I'm kind of repenting now of my judgemental attitude towards smartphones. I'm kind of loving my new iphone. Siri is my new best friend. I don't have to type in anything. I just talk to my phone and she does the rest! Yeah, totally repenting. I sat in the lobby of my OB yesterday for an hour shopping for apps and cleaning out my email. It was awesome! I can see how it will make my life easier. And I have to have it now that I'm working. Holy crap! Did I just say that? I'm now working. Still not used to that, and still not getting the sleep this pregnant body needs!

Anyway, I'm taking the plunge into being better at social networking. And The Mush Blog is going with me. It's become my second home. Stop over and let's be friends!

Twitter
Facebook

I'll be posting updates from Babble and also keep you in the loop on what Workshops and Retreats I will be doing for Power of Moms (because they are coming and I can't wait!).

Also, since I'm new to the app world, what apps can't you live without?
Do tell!!

Mother With Cancer Shaves Her Head (Video)

2012-01-19T15:35:00.000-07:00

Have you seen this and smiled and cried through it yet?

A fellow blogger at Babble is documenting her cancer journey and made a beautiful video.
Check it out...
Life is so so so very precious.

My 22 Week Baby Bump and I Ran Away With a Hot Guy

2012-01-19T15:12:00.001-07:00

Ooohh Laaaah Laaaaaaah!

Who is that?

Yeah baby, he's the one that swept me away for the night. Who doesn't love to run away every once in a while with their charming hero?

I confess that I enjoy it too much.

I also enjoyed Babbling about it here.

I think every mother should recharge her battery and escape with the one she loves every now and again. We will, afterall, be left alone together one day when the chickens get raised and they all leave the coop.

I'm always a better mother after I've had some sleep and some time away.

Park City did not disappoint. We ate, laughed, watched movies and talked without interruption.

Priceless.

Don't my eyes just wreak of sleep deprivation?

Wow.

I don't own a full length mirror at home, so I took the opportunity to document the last time I would be 22 weeks pregnant...buying maternity clothes.

Running away is good, especially when we desperately want to go running back home after only 30 hours.

I sure do love my family!

One of my Favorite Parenting Books

2012-01-13T01:29:00.001-07:00

Over the holidays, I read. It was amazing. I just started grabbing books off my shelf and stacking them on my nightstand. I went to bed early and read while little ones played with their new Christmas toys. The first book I cracked open was, "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck. I've heard it was a favorite of others, so I wanted to see if it would be one of mine. And boy am I glad I finished that one fast. I was grouchy almost the whole time I read it. When it started getting into concubines, I found myself being really short with Brian and angry just because he was a man and I didn't like how the men treated the women in China. Talk about grouchy! So, not one of my favorites.

I then picked up "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother." I didn't purposefully dive into two Chinese cultured books on purpose, but I'm glad I did. I learned a lot. Battle Hymn was life-changing for me. I found myself being more strict with my kids while I read it and pushing them just a little bit harder to accomplish their goals and tasks. But I quickly realized that if I were to write a book about me as a mother, the title would be something like this...

"Battle Hymn of the Cottontail Bunny Rabbit."

Seriously. Compared to Amy Chua, I'm a pussycat. But, Oh how I secretly wish I could be more like the Tiger Mother! (But only in a few aspects.) That book was entertaining and enlightening and shocking all at the same time. I happen to have it listed as one of My Ten Favorite Parenting Books which I talk about over at Babble Kids.

Have you read the book? What do you think? I'd love to hear!

Hazel Turns Two!

2012-01-11T00:14:00.000-07:00

Oh my Toddler!

Tell me it isn't so!

She's getting so big,

Where does the time go?

My baby Hazel is two

And I don't know what to do!

I just hope and pray,

She'll stay this way,

And wish time slows

Before her next birthday!

It just so happens, that if I could Hazel the best day ever, it would be letting her dress herself, not wear a shirt, not do her hair and let her jump all over my bed.

Since it was her birthday, I was happy to oblige.

Also, Elmo is the most famous person in our house.

"Melmo" is his name here and she goes crazy over him!

Happy 2nd "Melmo" Birthday Hazel!

Kids Re-Enact the New Year's Day Parade, With a Twist...

2012-01-09T23:18:00.001-07:00

There is a story behind this parade.

Can I just say how much I love my kids?

I love them. They rock!

Bet you can't guess which float was my favorite?

They amaze me!

Ouch! I'm Being Stretched!!

2012-01-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

Um, people, my life has been nuts!

Excuse me while I take a deep breath...

I've been having my doubts. My arms have never stayed in this position for so long (outstretched across a desk with fingers tap, tapping away.) And my body doesn't quite know what to think about it. Neither does my mind.

My brain hurts!
And that is what I Babbled about today...

HELP ME!!!

Sibling Rivalry Caught on Camera

2012-01-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

My kids are off track from school. And I'm the luckiest mommy because my kids never fight. I've heard of sibling rivalry, but never really witnessed it.

And I'm a total liar.

Here's what I caught on camera yesterday...

January Feels Like May

2012-01-06T01:55:00.000-07:00

I may just become a believer in Global Warming if I don't see some white stuff soon.

And you know what, I'm okay not having the white stuff!

Because if it were snowing right now, in January, we couldn't do this...

21 weeks pregnant (I think that's right)

This girl dresses herself. I'm not allowed to do it.

New Year, New Me!

2012-01-05T09:10:00.008-07:00

Hello 2012! For the past 4 days, I've been having the most bizarre, trippy out-of-body experience. I can't describe it. "Euphoric" would suffice. So many amazing things happened at the turn of 2012, which I almost don't believe. How often is it that the very first day of the year, literally can change your life? Well, 2012 has delivered a tall order for other years. It will be tough to trump this week.

My dream to write professionally has come true. I'll be blogging daily over at (drum roll please...)

Babble

Time magazine named Babble.com (which was just backed by Disney) as one of the top 50 websites of 2010. Forbes listed it as one of the top 100 Websites for Women. I get to join the bloggers there to add a voice to parenting.

Yippee!! I'm so excited! Life just got a whole lot more crazy around here, but when something comes your way that you can't pass up...well, you just put on one more hat and do a crazy dance and laugh through the chaos. At least that's what I'll be doing. Oh and I'm laughing! I have perma-grin. To the point where the cars waiting next to me for the green light, look over and give me that look like...Dude, that chick is high on drugs, or just plain weird.

I'm remembering my 2011 New Year's resolution which was to expect less of myself. And I think I accomplished that with flying colors. I needed a year like that. But I'm ready to expect a little more now. I have a sick obsession with pushing myself, I actually enjoy it. I feel alive when I have a full plate. So, I've taken my break and now it's time to rock and roll!

Be sure to stop over and visit and don't forget to drop me a line there and let Babble know they made a good choice!

Looking back and not rushing ahead.

2011-12-31T06:19:00.002-07:00

WOWEEE! It's almost 2012!!
I made it! I made it! I made it through 2011!!

Really, it wasn't that hard, but I did want to fast forward through some of it (If I'm going to be honest... and this pregnancy has made me more honest on this here blog than I think I'd like to be.) But honestly (there's that word again) it's easy to want to fast forward, isn't it? Say, "Oh, I can't wait until my kids are potty trained," or "I can't wait until I get a pay raise or a promotion at work..."

I often think about the movie, "Click." Adam Sandler is given a universal remote. He can click his way out of an argument, click his way out of conflict, click his way to his next promotion, and eventually and unfortunately click his way out of his own life.

When I think about 2011, I will remember experiencing extreme high's and extreme low's. Man, it was a great year. And man, there were tough parts about it too. Looking back, had I been able to fast forward through some of the low's, I would have done it and I also would have never experienced the high's. I ran my worst race ever this year. And because of it, I got stronger and ran my best race later in the year. Motherhood got progressively more challenging for me this year, and because of it, I got stronger and learned to do better (well, I'm still learning how to do that...) Had I been able to fast forward through the tough moments, (like my first trimester), I would have missed the precious little memories that made the year wonderful.

Truth is, life is all about the hard stuff and the good stuff. If we skip the bad, we also miss the good. This year for me, was all about strengthening my family. I feel like I had to pop open several cans of spinach to find the strength to do it and I had to sacrifice other areas of my life in order to do so. I lost friendships this year, which caused a lot of heartache, but the bond in my home is stronger because I focused more of my attention on the people that matter most to me.

As easy and great as it would be sometimes to click my way to the next season in life, I realize I'm not interested in clicking my way out of the things that make my life great.

And 2011 was great. And 2012 will be great too, no matter what it brings.

No fast forward button for me, thanks.

(This post just so happens to be the one my family looks forward to every year. A video recap. They will watch these over and over for the next two weeks.)

Best of 2011

And a few other favorite moments....

Redrock Moab

Cancun, Mexico

Happy New Year!!!

The gift

2011-12-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while there is a gift. A gift that can not be purchased or wrapped. A gift that can make your day brighter and a gift that comes unexpectedly. Those are the best kinds, aren't they?

It just so happens that tonight at about nine o'clock, when my kids had finally settled in their beds, the dishes were done and the house was silent, I gave myself...a gift. I wasn't expecting it, it was totally spontaneous and a surprise to my soul. Which made this gift even more valuable and exciting.

Instead of plopping my tired body down in front of the computer to finally fill in my blank pin boards on Pinterest or catch up on recent episodes of Tori & Dean, I grabbed my ipod and a sweatshirt and walked out the front door, shouting out to Brian just before the door shut, "Going for a walk!" All I heard was a confused, "What, really?"

My baby boy and I needed some fresh air. It's not often that December 29th in Utah sports a high 40 degrees at night and clear roads. I took advantage and I gave myself the best gift I could give myself today.
Time alone.
Time to feel and time to allow my brain to work.

With a crescent moon and Christmas lights directing my path, and 30 Seconds to Mars ringing in my ears, I let my emotions soar.   Each step planted in front of the other got me closer and closer to a healthier and happier me. It was all I could do to not start sprinting. I had to remind myself that my poor heart hasn't been elevated in 4 months and that the very shock of something like that would cause my weak, pregnant body to collapse right there next to the plastic Frosty the Snowman. Oh, but I wanted to. Just for old times sake. I just wanted to run. Pound that pavement, dump my frustrations and run. I needed that high. Instead, I took the next best thing. A deep breath in. The crisp air brought my senses to life. Ahhh, to feel alive!
Every human should feel alive. Amazing, though how many of us don't throughout our life. We merely go through the motions of life, numbing ourselves from our feelings. The good ones and the bad ones.

Sometimes it's easier to be numb.

When I run, I feel alive. I feel like I get to know myself more and I feel the brightness of the future. I'm happy. Thankfully, walking tonight, temporarily replaced my running high. A high that I've needed for a long time. Every time I turned my corner, I contemplated going inside.   But I convinced myself that this high wasn't ready to leave me. So, I passed my home and went for more rounds. I kept telling myself.. just one more song, just one more corner...

Finally, after the feeling left my legs and my feet became numb, I forced myself to quit.  My poor limbs had no more to give.  I ended my high and felt a new rush for life.  And that right there, is the best gift this mother could have given herself.
Who knew?

Hoping to meet up with my crescent moon tomorrow for another dose.

Well, that wraps up Christmas.

2011-12-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

I know I said in my last post that I wish Christmas would last for longer than 24 hours. Which I honestly meant. But since it doesn't...I don't wait too long to get it cleaned up and back in its boxes.

I'm a nutcase.
Luckily, Brian is too.
He, unfortunately is already back at the office and resuming life as usual. Which means the rest of us are left with the... leftover mess.

I can only handle the Christmas bomb that goes off for about a day. And then I get a twitch and my blood pressure rises and I start itching to get rid of the clutter. Twitching and itching. Not a good combo.

We had our Christmas fun and now it's on to the next.

I couldn't wait to get started today. My kids are out of school for 3 weeks. (Which I love. Love! Love! Love!) And they know what happens when they get to stay home from school for 3 weeks. It's called..."help mom out!" Good news is, they think it's pretty fun and awesome...ONLY because we get to play the "Jar Game."

(I wish I could take credit for this genius idea, but all credit goes to Turia who teaches me new amazing things every month at our learning circle.)

My kids LOVE it. They could barely eat their Christmas cereal this morning, they were so anxious to start. Anything for a surprise, I guess. So, I cut up little pieces of paper with tasks written on each one like "help Mom take the ornaments off the Christmas tree" or "help mom fold one basket of laundry." I threw in a few surprise items like "everyone gets a sucker" or "30 minutes of free time" to keep it exciting. The jar was FULL of tasks. I mean, we were not stopping today, except to eat lunch and dinner. Never in my life do I see my kids rush through a job and do it without whining, except when they know they get to pick the next paper in hopes that it's a surprise. And when it's not, and they have to go unload the dishwasher, they rush to do it and start their anticipation all over again. Seriously. The jar game rules. It's my kids-home-for-3-weeks-life-saver. I'm happy, they're happy. It's just too easy.

Christmas is now put away. The tree is hibernating until next year. The garland is scrunched in a box. The new toys have new homes, which means they are no longer able to live in the middle of the family room. There is no evidence that 24 hours ago, our carpet was a sea of boxes, paper and clutter. My floors shine. My bathrooms smell clean and actually look clean. Amazing.
I'm sighing and happy to have my twitch leave me. This is the best way to start a new year, in my opinion. We are ready to attack those goals!
Well, kind of.
At least the house is ready to attack them.
I'm exhausted. There is no attack left in me today.

The end.

And just like that, Christmas has come and gone

2011-12-26T20:32:00.001-07:00

It's such a shame that the most anticipated, most exciting and most memorable day of the calendar year can't last longer than 24 hours. It's too bad we can't alter that somehow and make the day after just a little shorter and leave the 25th of December a day that is physically different from the rest of the year. 24 hours just isn't enough. It takes months to get here. And with the simple turn of a minute hand, it disappears. And the anticipation starts all over again.

And now the day is a memory. I have photos and video to remind me, but it is over and life now resumes as normal. Hearts that have been softened and opened to others during the holiday season now naturally find their lock and key. Thoughts directed to others are slowly aimed back to ourself. Because that's how we survive in this world, by thinking about what we, ourselves, will do next with our own life. Paychecks, school, health, personal goals and accomplishments, etc... So sad, so necessary, so true.
I so wish it didn't have to be that way.

Christmas is magical isn't it? The fact that a holiday can open the tightest hearts and bring feelings of warmth and excitement like no other day is truly a magical thing. Oh if every day could be like Christmas.

Today was great. I didn't want it to end. Our home was filled with laughter. Peace and love were present along with the presents scattered about the house. The gift of giving was joyous. And the stress and anticipation that came before the big day is over (sigh of relief.)

So, we got an early start to the festivities. No one slept past 6:00 am. Even Hazel stood anxiously waiting in her crib to begin the day. Santa was generous this year. I was happy to see the kids were grateful. (Maybe the little "chat" I had with them before-hand helped. They weren't allowed to be disappointed or upset if they didn't see everything that was on their list under the tree. Because, they weren't going to see everything, I knew that for sure. I also warned them that ungrateful children don't get to keep such generous gifts. And that would be very sad to lose something that was so kindly given.) So, they were grateful and I hardly heard a complaint. I heard exaggerated gasps of joy over a box of Lucky Charms instead. Owen did not want to lose his sugar cereal. He gasped for joy over every little gift. They got the message and that made my day.

We feasted at my weekly "spiritual hospital" otherwise known as church. I look forward to hearing my neighbor sing, "Silent Night" every year. And just like previous years, I weeped through the whole thing. I took a 2+ hour nap after church, because let's face it, as wonderful as Christmas is, it has a way of zapping energy. I was drained. Physically and emotionally drained. My body needed to soak in the peacefulness of my sheets and a heavy minky blanket. Thanks to the new XBOX Kinect, no one really knew I was gone. That's a marvelous thing.

Christmas dinner kind of flopped (because I was napping instead of cooking) so we ate random appetizers and more cereal. Oh-well, can't expect everything to be perfect, besides, I was fine not having to slave in the kitchen all day. And what do kids want to eat anyway...??? Lucky Charms.

And the day went on in a very slow-paced fashion. Chill, calm and relaxing. I laughed when I opened up two giant boxes of produce from Costco. I had enough Spinach and berries to feed an army. Come to find out, we were making smoothies later with our new Blendtec. For a second there, I thought my husband had lost his mind. We could still feed an army. Anyone want a smoothie? Stop on by!

The typical "after-Christmas" mess.

Tortilla soup.

It flopped. We are not blender experts yet.

Teaching Grandpa to play tennis...

And just like that, the most anticipated day of the year was over. As refreshing as it can be to move on, clean up and get back to routines, it is sad to say goodbye. And like every year I hope and wish that I can keep the feeling of Christmas in my heart the entire year.

Good thing New Year's resolutions are next in the line-up.

On the 1st Day of Christmas

2011-12-24T23:35:00.003-07:00

There is no night like Christmas Eve.

We set out our cookies for Santa that we made last night...

along with other yummy goodies, including the ever famous holiday coconut shrimp that I so freely mention every year.

It was great to spend time with friends that night...

The boys look thrilled, don't they? That's the toffee, clam chowder, coconut shrimp, and every other kind of food settling in, I think.

At our family party we were reminded from our very special visitor in a big red suit and a long white beard of the true meaning of Christmas.

And just what JOY stands for.

J is for Jesus. He comes first.

O is for Others. They come next.

Y is for Yourself. That comes last.

We love Santa and all he represents! He made our night and will make it even more bright when he visits our house once I finally go to sleep.

We hope his reindeer like the glittery food we left and it helps Rudolph light the sleigh through the dark of night. And we hope Santa like the cookies and milk.

After the house was made ready for our Santa friend, and before tired yet anxious eyes hit their pillow, we gave our gifts to Jesus. In my opinion, it is the most important part of Christmas Eve and my favorite. I'm always curious to see what is said and what is given.

We give up something that keeps us from being our best self. (Like we did last year.)

It just so happens that we all suffer from "madness" (as Owen calls it.)

So we each gave the gift of anger. Sounds like an awful gift to give, but we believe it is what Jesus would want. Let's get rid of the madness so we can be more like Him.

We also said we'd give more love and forgiveness and kindness.

It didn't take long for those tired eyes to drift off. Including mine.

Christmas Eve was a success.

On the 2nd Day of Christmas

2011-12-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

We want to wish you a very Merry Christmas!

We didn't send out cards this year (this here blog gives way too much detail about our lives anyway), but we want to thank you (those of you who read this) for being a part of our lives. Even those of you we don't know.

We love you!

Heck, I love you! Seriously, from the bottom of my heart.

I sincerely hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season and I hope that Santa stops by and leaves something that brings a smile. I hope you don't get sick from eating too many sweets and I'm hoping the same for us. I hope you can spend time with family or loved ones. I hope that if I've ever offended or hurt you in anyway, you will forgive me.

I also hope that the greatest gift ever given is not forgotten.

The gift of the Savior. He is after all, the reason we celebrate.

May this season bring you an abundance of peace, kindness, joy and love!

(Picture goes here. Feel free to scroll through the last 4 years of the blog to find a photo!

Lol! I think I just invented a custom-do-it-yourself Christmas card. Genius!)

Love you!

Happy Holidays!

I believe

2011-12-23T06:00:00.001-07:00

I believe in the first night of Christmas. I believe that the man that would save all of mankind from death and sin was born in a humble stable.
That his mother was pure. That she was amazing.

He is amazing.

I believe in Angels.

I believe in the future. I believe it is bright.

I believe in children. The future belongs to them and they will do great things.

I believe in gifts. The kind of gifts that change lives.

Love.

Love is a great gift.

I believe in Jesus.

I believe in Family.

I believe Heaven can be here on earth.

I believe it is up to us to make it that way.

Merry Christmas!

On the 3rd Day of Christmas we found out...

2011-12-22T23:52:00.001-07:00

We are having a baby BOY!!!!

It's a boy!

Everyone in the family (minus myself) was hoping for a baby boy. I just wanted a baby that was breathing and had a spine and 4 limbs and a brain. We all got what we wished for. A healthy, alive and kicking boy.

I am nearly speechless today. I am overwhelmed with God's mercy and I'm so thankful. I feel complete and overjoyed (and every other word you could find in the thesaurus that goes with it).

Best Christmas gift ever. A healthy baby.

I am smiling!

On the 4th Day of Christmas

2011-12-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

I broke what should have been one of my cardinal rules today. I went shopping for clothes... for myself...after standing on the scale for the first time in a while....and realizing that I have gained 30 pounds. I just twitched when I wrote that.

I gained 25 pounds TOTAL with Elle.

I gained 30 pounds TOTAL with Owen.

I gained 35 pounds TOTAL with Hazel.

This baby is blowing all kinds of personal records. I'm only halfway there!

FREAKAMOLECRAPTADOODDAHZIPPITYHONKEYOFAHIPPO!!!!!

That's what I have to say about that.

You can probably guess that shopping was no fun. I had to keep going back for bigger sizes.

Sigh.

I'm so happy and so blessed and so happy and so blessed and so happy and so blessed.

Now, on to Christmas!! Joy to the World!! Jingle them bells!! Dash through the snow!!

It's in 4 days.

I'm not ready.

Why am I on the computer?

Because I'm so good at procrastinating.

Get off the computer and wrap something. Anything!

Tis the season to be jolly! Now go get your jolly on, Mandy!

(No pictures today. My hippo rear wouldn't fit on the screen. We'd all have to upgrade to a much bigger monitor. Or a 72" T.V.)

On the 5th Day of Christmas

2011-12-20T21:15:00.000-07:00

Santa is losing his beard.

5 days!

We finished up our Santa letters and had to send them with a giant *RUSH* on the envelope.

Translation:

Dear Santa,

I would like

ipad

phone

Lego City

Ben 10 watch

Black watch like a clock

Batman Lego XBOX

Star Wars Wii

The rest a surprise

from Owen

I found trails like this one all over the house (I do every day, but she is getting quicker and more efficient).

And I hardly recognize myself. I'm kind of missing my lazy days. I miss my books! I've completely torn our house apart and started numerous projects. Moved the kids rooms, Hazel now shares with Elle and Owen gets his own room. Elle and Owen sharing was getting a little old and out of control.

Problem is, I hear the paint roller calling my name.

Uh-oh.

I know what that means.

There's no stopping me when I have a paint roller in my hands.

(Before)

I should really wrap some presents before I get totally out of control.

There's really no telling when the "after" pictures will come. Hopefully before they graduate High School. Stay tuned...

Feeling alive and feeling great!

On the 6th Day of Christmas

2011-12-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

What shall I do with this basket of panties?

Wear them on my head.

"Not Just a Mom" Podcast

2011-12-19T06:30:00.002-07:00

Brian was introducing himself to a new family at church yesterday. I walked up to catch the tail end of the conversation. He was just asking the wife if she worked outside the home, to which she replied, "No..... I'm just a mom."

I laughed because there's that word again....JUST.
Just a mom.

No one is just a mom.

And even if we don't have an occupation outside the home, can we not please hold our heads up high and be proud that we are full-time mothers? And that is what we choose to do with our time?

Click on over to Power of Moms and you can listen to my thoughts and feelings about this subject in more detail...

And I'll let you in on a little secret...it was very late at night, so towards the end when I start talking slower and laughing more....that's why. I get that way when I'm about to go loopy.

Enjoy!

On the 7th Day of Christmas

2011-12-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

I wondered how much oil was in my lamp.

Today is Sunday.

I'm a Mormon. I know I've covered that before. But I don't talk much about what it is like to be a Mormon mother. I talk about what I personally believe in and how my faith in God helps me constantly, but I don't really mention logistics about being a practicing Mormon. We go to church on Sunday for 3 hours. Now, that may sound like a giant torture chamber-gas me now-and put me out my misery-kind of thing. Especially with small children, where sitting still for one hour (3 times) is literally and physically impossible. And I won't lie, it is a difficult task. But one that is re-learned every week and one that we practice (yes, we do church practice at home and in the car.) And it does wonders! And receiving help from kind neighbors does wonders too. Hazel loves climbing into the pew behind us, no matter who it is, as long as they'll have her, she's there.

It takes a community to raise children.

It's interesting though, when you look beyond the wiggles and giggles and snacks and books, an amazing sight unfolds. For a few seconds, during a prayer, Hazel will fold her arms and bow her head. Owen will listen to one of the stories and whisper a question about it in my ear. Elle will be nestled up to Brian's side. And a smile will creep across my face.

You see, church, for me, is not a torture chamber. It's a feasting place. I look forward to it every week. I think of it as a hospital for the human soul. My human soul.

Today, my soul feasted.

I sat on the back row in Primary (kids Sunday school) and listened to the lesson being taught. The parable of the 10 virgins. I witnessed the children learn valuable life lessons. And I was reminded of them too.

Five of the virgins were wise.

Five were foolish. They were not ready to meet their Bridegroom (when the kids were asked who the Bridegroom is, one boy shouted out..."It's the person who grooms the bride.") I got a good chuckle with that one.

Anyway, the five wise virgins, had oil in their lamps. They knew that whenever they were called, they would be ready. Their lamps were full.

The five foolish virgins, didn't have oil. They had to leave to purchase the necessary oil for their lamps and while they were gone, the Bridegroom called and the wise virgins entered and the gate was shut. The foolish ones missed out.

(Mathew 25)

So, I sat on the back row, scribbling notes while asking myself, am I a foolish virgin or a wise one? Will I scramble to be ready when the time comes for our Savior to come again? Or will I enter the gate?

And as always, when I ask myself those kinds of questions, I'm flooded with things that I could do better. And for some reason, when I'm in the "human soul hospital" I don't feel overwhelmed or stressed. I feel the opposite. I feel empowered and motivated.

And that's where the feasting ends and the satisfaction comes. I've partaken of as much as I spiritually can for one day and I'm released from the "hospital." And without fail, seven days later, I admit myself again, because I'm hungry and depleted.

It just so happens that in 7 days, I will be nourished by one of the best days of the year.

Christmas!

On the 8th Day of Christmas

2011-12-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

Holy Crap, are there really only 8 (almost seven) days until Christmas? I ran myself ragged again. And it felt good. Oh so good. Sometimes a mama just needs to run herself ragged so she can plop in bed at night knowing she crossed some things off her list and burned a few calories while doing it. Heaven knows this pregnant body could use some calorie burning about now!

You know what I'm loving about Christmas? The magic behind sparkly little eyes. Kids totally light up at this time. Their little bodies are so full of excitement it almost hurts them! It helps when every day leading up to Christmas is a special day. I remember the excitement as a child and the magic of it all.

I believe every grandchild deserves a little doting. (I love that word today. I'm dedicating the 8th day of Christmas to the word, "dote.") I was never "doted over" by a Grandparent. Unless they were doting from heaven and I never knew it. My other grandparents had upwards of 50 grandchildren. Yeah, definitely no doting with that kind of competition.

On the 9th day of Christmas (okay, yesterday), the spotlight was on Owen. It was grandparents day at school. And Owen LOVES his grandparents. And why shouldn't he? They dote! They totally dote! He is the only grandson on one side and he knows what kind of buying power that has. He also knows how to ham it up in a Christmas program.

See there? Doting at its finest.

What a lucky kid!

Elle got her turn to ham it up in a piano recital today. She was surely adored. And she nailed her two songs and luckily forgot about the drama of the black tights beforehand. Tights. We fight about tights. There was crying about tights. The tights had feet on them. Apparently tights can not have feet.

Little did I know.

This is the "It's almost my turn and I'm so nervous" face.

It was a success. And when she was done, we all doted over her hard work, ate a cookie and went straight home to take off the tights that had feet on them.

Open Pit (our BBQ catering company) pulled off a very successful event today which allowed Brian to also receive much doting. Something about bacon wrapped scallops with jalapeno on a skewer makes him a rock star at these events.

And Hazel, well that girl is constantly adored. Strangers dote over her.

And I am doting over myself. Because that's what a mama also has to do sometimes. We give praise, but rarely receive it. I got the oil changed today, and rock chips repaired and shopping done and playroom cleaned and Open Pit's dishes done and meals made and most importantly of all, I did my job as a mother and made sure my kids were where they needed to be and made sure they received a healthy dose of doting.

And may I add now that I've blogged for several days in a row? That deserves something right? A foot rub? A hot bath? A day off tomorrow? A nap?
I think so.
I'm writing Santa now and adding those things to my list.

On the 9th Day of Christmas

2011-12-16T23:23:00.001-07:00

I was movin' and shakin'!

The holidays are ringing with cheer!

But my back is ringing with aches, my eyelids keep shutting on me, and my limbs are like polar ice caps.

It is BOOTY cold in Utah right now.

I have a fridge full of food.

My carpets are clean.

My kitchen sparkles.

My laundry is folded, which I owe to my dear mother for folding.

My belly is full from a delightful Tuscany dinner, and my heart is full from another night out with my sweetheart.

There was no stopping us today and I actually felt my heart beat within me.

I am alive!

And I am slowly slipping out of this chair and will be singing some zzzzz's if I don't run right now and fall flat on my face in my warm cozy bed.

On the 10th Day of Christmas

2011-12-15T23:57:00.001-07:00

At 8:30 this morning I gave myself a pep talk.

Actually, it was more like a personal intervention. I faced my shaggy self in the mirror and began the difficult conversation.

The dialogue went a little something like this...

Mandy.....(long pause)

I'm concerned.

There's no easy way to say this. (Another long pause.)

It's time to get out of those clothes.

I'm sorry, but...

You look like a giant, withered, three year old pumpkin.

Gross.

The orange maternity pants from your last three pregnancies need to find another home. The big green can out on your driveway will do just fine. They will be happier, I promise. They have lived a very long and full life. Let them go. Let them follow the light (I'm sure there are lights at the dump).

And it's time to get dressed and go buy some new clothes that fit.

You can't stay locked up in this house forever.

You've read 4 books in one month. You didn't read 4 books last year. That's a sign.

That's great that you read now, but girl, you need some fresh winter air on that skin!

You are wasting prime years of your life!

And most of all, you are missing the joy that can come from being pregnant.

Just look...you will find it.

But you must look.

Now, do something with that hair, brush your teeth, put some clothes on for goodness sake, and just walk out that door. Your family needs groceries and they need their mom back.

It's time.

I'm sorry.

I know you can do it!

I'm here for you!

Love,

Your reflection

_____________________

Okay, okay, I heard what she had to say. I understand and I agree. And while I'm at it, I should probably clean up my bathroom and put those swimsuits away that have been hanging there since we got back from Mexico...which was in OCTOBER!

(Sigh.)

It is time to start living. I've said that before, but I think I mean it this time.

You see, today, the 10th day of Christmas, I was reminded of how blessed it is to be pregnant.

I stood on my porch last night in a conversation with my neighbor. They are trying to get pregnant. She is 41 and knows that her clock is ticking. It took them 10 years to have their son. Her family so desperately wants another child. They're doing everything they can, which is the story of so many other families I know. While they're praying for a child, I'm complaining about my lack of energy and baggy pants. Meanwhile, vital organs and little toes are magically developing inside me. It truly is a miracle and I haven't conveyed my gratitude enough for this opportunity.

Here is my public apology.

I'm sorry for being grumpy. And I'm sorry for not seeing the bright side.

I read this article today that my friend wrote on Babble.com, and learned that this family (I don't watch the show and I don't know much about it or them), the Duggars, went in for their 20 week ultrasound and found out they had lost the baby. I was crushed. Seriously, I felt like I had been steamrolled. I would be devastated.

And I'm also very frightened and my prayers are getting kicked up a notch.

I go in for my ultrasound next week to find out what we're having.

I only pray...that we hear a heartbeat.

So, today was a new day. I have been blessed with a new outlook.

Sure, being pregnant is hard for me, but I want to stay pregnant for 5 more months and I am going to do my best to see the positive from now on.

I think my reflection would be proud.

I got dressed and I did my hair. And I had every intention of leaving and shopping. But for reasons that were a bit beyond my control (toddler meltdowns, starving baby inside my belly that needs 2 breakfasts, snuggles with Hazel (okay, I could control that one) and a clock that spun too fast, homework, naps and a very messy floor) I wasn't able to do it. But I took the steps needed to get me in the right direction.

And that's a start.

I even went on a date tonight.

We went to the "Lower Lights" Christmas concert. We enjoyed dinner with friends and a Christmas night out. It was just what I needed to jump start this holiday season.

I swear the heavens opened and I heard angels sing when the fiddle played,

"What child is this."

Talk about goosebumps.

Merry 10th Day of Christmas!

On the second half of the 11th Day of Christmas.

2011-12-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

I delivered the verdict. To both my kids in need of some rehab. The good ole trusty...

"No friends and no computer."

Except I stretched it out until the end of next week. And it's time to implement what is lacking. Positive reinforcement and rewards for good behavior. I always tend to have more success with that. I appreciate days like today because they remind me of all that is lacking.

Oh how quickly I forget!
And oh all the lacking!

I really liked hearing that I'm not the only one with a seven year old. That helps me, so thank you!

I posted something about this on Facebook today and was kind of regretting it. (Facebook. Dumb Facebook.) My first instinct was...oh crap, now everyone is going to think that I can't control my daughter and I'm a no good, terrible, horrible parent and I should just move to Australia already ...blah blah blah....)and then I realized that's ridiculous. No one is perfect. And aren't I old enough to not care what they think anyway?

I'm not ashamed to confess that my children aren't perfect and that I am not a perfect mother. (I know, you're all shocked. Me, not perfect? Sorry to break the news to you.)
Truth is, I have every parenting book imaginable. I have marble jars, gimmicks, games, charts and posters cluttering up the house. I can say that I perfectly...try. But those things are collecting dust right now. And I (which means my family too) am suffering from what is known as "survival mode." I am doing the minimum. I'm not proactive right now, I'm re-active. Because that's all this pregnant body has the energy for. I'm a grumpy pile of goo that won't leave her house! But that will change, I just know it. I will be bursting with energy and stamina and life and my positive outbursts will be so disgustingly annoying! Just wait and see! I can feel it! It's on the horizon! You'll hardly be able to stand the sappy greatness of my life! Just like you can hardly stand the gazillion exclamation points I just used! Oh I can't wait! And I so wish I could write this in bubble letters to really add to the greatness of it all!

(Insert giant happy face right here..)

While I wait for the happy to happen, I will get busy dusting off the things that make parenting a little easier and more enjoyable and hopefully get wrapped up in the season of giving. Because right now, all I'm giving is a bunch of dirty looks. Mrs. Claus can't be grumpy 11 days before Christmas.

Let's hope the happy potion arrives on the 10th day of Christmas...

On the first half of the 11th Day of Christmas...

2011-12-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

I heard a song on the radio this morning that I like to run to.
And I started to cry.
Shocker. I know, we're all surprised. (Because I...like...never...cry.)

HA!

5 more months Mandy,
5 more months...the crying will stop in 5 more months...

I miss running.

Moving on...

I have to deliver a fitting punishment for certain crimes that were committed against me last night by a certain 7 year old. Which has had my mind on a spinning wheel all night and all morning. And I'm trying to decide which tactic to go with. With all the parenting books and advice out there, I could approach the crime in several ways.
The question is, which would be most... impactful.

Before she fell asleep last night, she begged not to be (1.) spanked and (2.) not to have soap in her mouth.

So, I'm asking you. Yes you. I know you mothers/fathers are out there and have something to say. And I need you. I'm not one to just shout and beat my kids into submission. But I am one that wants to make a point.

What is a fitting punishment/consequence for...

Lying?

Disobedience?

Disrespect?

She is nervously awaiting her trial and judgement for later this afternoon. And since Brian got home late last night, sick and went straight to bed, he deliriously muttered..."wash her mouth out with soap" as he drifted into no man's land.

I'm not sure that's it.

What do you do when your child flat out lies to your face, disrespects and disobeys you?

On the 12th day of Christmas

2011-12-13T22:50:00.001-07:00

It snowed. It was calming and beautiful. I was hoping we would see some snow before Christmas. I enjoyed looking at its serenity from the comfort of my leather sofa. I had no where to be. So I stayed in. What's new? I've stayed in for oh...fifteen, sixteen weeks now? What's another day!

I will have to leave this cozy place soon though and get ready for the big day. Only 12 days left. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It has snuck up relatively fast for me.

Is it because every day seems the same to me? I wake up to the same sounds every morning, put on the same clothes I had on yesterday, eat the exact same thing all day, have the exact same arguments, think the exact same thoughts and feel the way I did the day before. I am constantly asking my kids, what day is it? They're on top of it. They know these things, especially since the countdown has begun.

The countdown has begun.

Wow.

I really need to bust a move.

I really need to find some clothes that fit so I can go out in public. I have a shopping deadline.

On the 12th day of Christmas, I'm somewhere between 17 and 18 weeks pregnant. I'm very confused about my due date. Maybe it's because the doctor bumped it up to the busiest week of the year for us. I'm in denial.

Baby is due on Brian's birthday. Which is the day before my birthday, which is the day before Elle's birthday. I'm not sure I can cope with a lifetime of 4 birthdays in a row. So, I think I liked the date better before I got bumped. I'll go late with this one if I have to.

On the 12th day of Christmas, I laughed with Hazel. She sat on my lap and watched Nativity movies with me at the computer. She was mesmerized.

She sat on my lap and watched me blog and she got giddy with excitement every time she would see a picture of Brian, "Daddy!" "Daddy!" And then she'd climb up on the desk and slime the screen with her toddler hands and point. She'd turn and flash me her big beautiful smile.

I love my mornings with Hazel.

Today Owen woke up from sleeping all night on the floor inside "the coolest fort ever!" He repeatedly told me thank you, and that I was the best mom in the world for building it and letting him sleep in it all night.

Man, if all I have to do is make a fort to be the best mom in the world...I'm wasting my time on a lot of unnecessary things. Forts have now moved up the list and surpassed food, clothing and shelter. I like being the best mom in the world. At least for that moment. Because honestly, that moment didn't last very long. For some reason, when I mentioned getting dressed for school I ruined everything.

It was Polar Express day at school today. Elle wore her P.J's. We pulled up to the school and saw that no one else was wearing P.J's. (Oh crap of all craps!) Who is this child's mother? That created some anxiety. I couldn't remember what the paper said, and she was "SURE" that she was supposed to wear them all day. She braved school anyway.

I think the kids all had their jammies in their backpacks. At least I was hoping so...

It turned out to be okay.

Today we realized that sipping hot cocoa on a snowy 12th day of Christmas was a very fitting after-school activity.

I got to see my friend Emily today, whom I love and adore. I spent time with her and her delightful boys. That was a nice change to the daily routine.

I cooked dinner today. That's something that used to happen 5 months ago. It doesn't really happen anymore. I don't count making quesadillas and chicken nuggets as cooking. Brian's at the school every night grading presentations and wrapping up the year. So, I shouldn't have cooked today, but I did. (Why?) I felt I deserved a nice meal. Every mother, deserves a nice meal. I baked chicken, sweet potatoes, steamed broccoli with lemon on it, made a beautiful salad with peppers and tomatoes and crispy green lettuce. I even made a pot of rice and beans in case someone wanted that as an option. Someone meaning, one of my 3 kids. I was sure they would go nuts over it. What was I thinking??

I wasn't.

I was oh so very wrong. Elle took one bite and so disrespectfully told me that she wouldn't eat any of it. We exchanged a few words and I dismissed her from the table and invited her to join us for breakfast tomorrow. That never goes over well. But I stayed calm. I can't believe it. I actually stayed calm. I felt bad for her choice and I knew she would be so so so hungry in a matter of minutes. Was I really up for this tonight?

I enjoyed my dinner. And Owen, who pulled disgusting faces at the sweet potatoes just minutes prior now had a decision to make. I saw his wheels spinning. He started eating his pototoes and lied through his teeth by saying, "These are the best potatoes ever!" I'm glad he's smart enough to learn from other's mistakes.

Just moments after dinner, I overheard Elle tell Owen while brushing their teeth that she wished she didn't have a mom. She didn't like me and she wished she could do whatever she wanted. Owen was shocked, "You don't want mom? You don't like mom? I'm telling mom you said that..."

I calmly (unbelievably) surprised them by telling Owen that wasn't necessary. I heard every word. I kept calm and I carried on. Elle climbed in bed and waited for me to come tickle her back and pray with her. I told her that she didn't need a mom anymore, so "goodnight and you better set your alarm in the morning and figure out how you will get to school and make your lunch."

Oh the shock and the horror and the whaling! I loved every minute of it. Is that bad? She clearly said she didn't want a mom. And I was 100% willing to let her figure her own crap out. I wasn't getting in the way of this one.

And the lesson was learned. The hunger set it and the consequences of her choices pained my poor child. There was more to the night; lying, disobeying and a whole slew of lessons needing to be learned. I just acted shocked and told my little girl that I would have to consult with daddy about what to do. She freaked!
(Aren't kids supposed to want to be "nice" 12 days before Christmas?)
She apologized and she begged for mercy. She said over and over again that she wants a mom and she wants me to be her mom.

And that's what I needed to hear at the end of this 12th Day of Christmas. That I'm still wanted and that I'm still needed.

I fear the teenage years.

I'm going to have a hard time with mercy.

I have whiplash from all the back and forth I had with my kids today. I am tired from cooking and carrying this extra (now) twenty pounds around. And I often question, am I doing anything worthwhile here? Or I am making matters worse?

And I'm not sure I'll ever have the answer to that. But I do know that I am doing the best that I can. I think. At least I hope.

And at the end of the day, that's all anyone can ask for.

Our own personal best.

This 12th day of Christmas is just about over.

Goodnight.

Ho ho ho!

2011-12-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

Guess who's not afraid of Santa?

Guess who's not afraid of one darn thing in this world (well, except when you tell her "no." She doesn't like "no")?

I love that!

I'm pretty sure she asked him for shoes while she was sitting there.

And this one, well, luckily she's not afraid of him either.

Well, not totally. She braved Santa's knee because she really wants magnet earings.

She's getting too old. How do I stop that?

Santa? Can that be my Christmas wish?

And who said he could grow up so fast too? They used to sit on Santa's lap, now they're too big. He's hoping for a Lego City.

How could Santa refuse with a handsome face like that one?

I'm renaming her

"Sugar-plum Candy Cane"

Sugar.

Sugar, sugar, sugar.

She's as sweet as sugar.

Probably because she loves it so much.

Let the holidays begin!

Thanksgiving

2011-12-08T10:00:00.010-07:00

We've come a long way.

My family really enjoys being together. It hasn't always been that way, but I love how time can heal. I remember the many years that Brian and I had no where to be on Thanksgiving. So, we avoided Thanksgiving by traveling outside the country before we had kids. I'd go years without seeing some of my siblings. There were just too many wounds. So, Brian and I always vowed that we would never live near family and we would start our own traditions.

I'm thankful that isn't true anymore.

I'm also thankful that we can come together and feel united and love that should exist within a family. It truly is something to be thankful for.

I also love Thanksgiving because we get to eat Brian's traditional coconut shrimp as an appetizer.

That's all I need, coconut shrimp and pumpkin pie.

And family.

Cousins that run around and are best friends.

Grown-ups laughing and chatting.

A stroll around the neighborhood.

Happy faces and happy bellies.

What a blessed Thanksgiving!

A good read and reminder

2011-12-07T16:45:00.002-07:00

What was I doing in 1994? I'm pretty sure I was either skipping a chemistry class, sleeping in late (or all day, because I had Mono) or I was worrying about who I liked and if they liked me back or wondering why I wasn't as skinny and small as my friends or when I could run away from home. That was 11th grade for me in a nutshell. I was dreaming of Harvard and another life, but didn't realize I needed to actually go to school to get into college. Needless to say, I never applied. Not even for one college. I barely graduated high school. The pain of my choices at that age could take up an entire book. And the stories, wow, the stories I could tell...
But, that's not what this post is about. I'm over it.

While I was so selfishly engaged in my own troubles and teenage drama, something else was happening nine thousand miles from my little cushy life. I don't remember ever hearing about it, and so, if I had, I never thought about it. And my stomach feels sick to say that.

I just read an incredible book. The upside of morning sickness and down-time is finally having a moment to dive into the books I've been dying to read.

Left to Tell, by Immaculee Ilibagiza, is the story of a woman that survived the Rwandan Holocaust. In three months, one million Rwandans (Tutsi's) were massacred because of their tribe. Her story is one of faith and courage and she is a woman that knows adversity and faces it head-on. I would compare her faith to Daniel who was thrown in the lion's den.

So incredibly inspiring and so incredibly eye-opening. And such a miracle that she survived.

You just never really know (unless it's plastered all over the news) what's happening in other parts of the world. While I was worrying about what to wear, Immaculee was slowly withering away in a tiny bathroom trying to stay alive.

And I know that right now, as I worry about my house being a disaster or what to make for dinner, someone, somewhere is struggling to stay alive, or hoping to not freeze to death or is being abused. Sheesh, it could be my neighbor and I would never know.

So what am I doing in 2011? Hopefully not making the same mistake. This holiday season I'm hoping to step outside my own problems and open my eyes to those who are in need.

Time to remember just how fortunate we are. And give when we can.

Little moments that ignite the light

2011-12-05T22:01:00.004-07:00

One should not sit too long soaking in a puddle of tears with their head in their hands. It's okay to do every once in a while, at least for those of us that are human and occasionally ache. I've had my share of puddles in life and amazingly enough, they have always brought me great strength.
It's when we finally realize that we are weak that we can admit we need strength. And so, I love my puddle days because I know what comes afterwards.

Strength. And I think it's because there are angels on the other side doing their best to push us and lend a hand. And what would I do without those Heavenly angels?

Probably drown in a puddle.

Just as I suspected, my Learning Circle Thursday night helped light a fire beneath me.

YAY!! FIRE! LIGHT!! Let there be light!!

We talked about treasuring the moments in our life. The little moments that usually pass by without much thought or memory. Small moments that make us laugh and smile throughout the day, like these. One day we will miss those moments. And we will wish that we would have paid more attention to them instead of other things that didn't matter as much. I loved Thursday night. I loved being with friends and laughing and feeling uplifted. More like, feeling human.

Time to kick Apathy and Doubt off the couch and out to the curb.

Adios!

The next day I did my best to see the little moments. And there were so many...

Hazel is obsessed with shoes. Any shoes. If she sees anyone, she immediately lifts one of her shoes up and points to them. Everyone must see her shoes before they pass by. She wears shoes all day. Every pair of shoes, all day. She chose out her silver glittery shoes to start out the day. I put them on and away she danced. I love her and her shoe fetish.

Owen came home from school and I asked if his day was any better. We had a rough morning.
He said, "Nah."
I said, "Hmmm, would a cookie help you put a smile on your face?"
He said, "I better have yogurt or something before I eat a cookie because cookies aren't healthy for us."
And I smiled and said, "You are right. Silly Mommy."
(They do listen)

Later that day, Elle had some friends over and they carted Hazel around everywhere they went. They all dressed up and put Hazel in a costume and accessorized her and included her in their performance. They taught her what to do and she was the star of their show.

Now that it's winter and 20 degrees outside, getting exercise has become a matter of doing laps around the stairs. Every day, I send Hazel off and tell her that Owen is going to get her. She starts darting and laughing hysterically, and they run their same route. Owen goes slow and she runs with all her might. And I sit and laugh and encourage more laps.

Those are precious moments. I will remember those (only because I just wrote them down.) How important is it to write these things down!

And how important is it to get off the floor and start living?!

That's what I'm doing now a days (well, the past two days at least.) My morning sickness is over. I haven't felt nauseous in over a week and that is so great! I'm ready to leave my coffin that kept me captive for months and enter the land of the living!

Thank you light and thank you little moments!

So many exciting things lie ahead...

And there I was with my head in my hands...

2011-11-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

(16 weeks pregnant)

I sat on the floor in the corner of the bathroom, leaning against the few inches of wall and the corner of the bathtub. Owen was busy splashing water while simultaneously perfecting a half moon squirt from his mouth. Hazel was his target. Elle was on her belly in the closet, reading her Amelia Bedelia book.
And there I was, with my head in my hands.
Tears began welling up in the corners of my exhausted eyes.

I feel like a fraud.

Last night, I spent some time on the phone with Lacy (also a Power of Moms trainer). We were recording a podcast that went along the lines with this post. We were talking about how rewarding it is to be "Just a mom." And also about its challenges, but mostly that we love our occupation as full-time mothers. I meant everything I said.

I think.

Problem is, I didn't like being a mother today. There. I said it. If someone would have knocked on my door and offered me a job and said, go now and I'll take care of your kids, I would have sprinted out the door.

What is wrong with me? Wasn't I just spouting off last night about how awesome my job as a mother is? Didn't I mean what I said? What happened? How could I have changed my mind in under 24 hours?

So, with rain now pouring out of my eyes, I tried to figure it all out. What was this and what happened today? And the answer to that is nothing happened today. That was the problem. I had nowhere to be. No reason to get dressed. No desire to do the dishes. We were just going to dirty some more. There was nothing pressing that needed to be done. I had no heart to serve, no heart to forget myself and get to work, no motivation to move. I only wanted to park it on the couch.

I think apathy is getting too comfy here these days. It was a fun guest for a while, but it's definitely wearing out its welcome.

I am not myself.

I stood up and looked in the mirror and was alarmed to see "frump mom" standing there. Alarmed probably isn't the right word, I mean, really, I've been "frump mom" for a while now. But today I really saw her. I didn't recognize her. I don't know if it was the ultra baggy eyelids or the wrinkled skin that shocked me. Maybe it was the chapped lips or the extra 15 pounds rounding out my body. Whatever it was, it wasn't me.

You know that saying, "Water can not be drawn from an empty well?"
Well it seems my well, had a reserve of about 4 months and now it is bone dry (and crying myself a river didn't help by any means.) My emotional state has entered a drought. All the little parts of my body are parched. There is no "water" to be found and so, I fear the oasis hallucinations are about to enter.

Water...need water...must get some water.

I feel like I'm slipping further and further away from the person I want to become. I'm reaching out, but my grip isn't strong enough anymore. My hands are slipping.
I'm feeling overwhelmed by the process of being the vision I have for myself and my family. And I think that apathy has brought a friend to stay too.
Doubt.
Apathy and doubt.
A duo one does not want to allow entrance. But what do you do when they just push their way in and take off their shoes and make themselves at home?

I think I'm laying on the couch next to them.

Maybe that vision I have for myself isn't feasible.

I called my sister. My saving grace. She is always the first and only person I can call when I have unwanted guests. And it's so great because she has empathy. True, honest to goodness empathy. She is pregnant too. 7 weeks behind me. Her yucky season is just starting. After I said Hello, I immediately went into...

"Rach, please tell me the cure for frump mom disease. Have I become a lazy person for good or is this just pregnancy? I can't tell the difference anymore! I'm so scared that this lazy lady is here to stay. What is the cure? Will I ever have energy again?"

Our conversation was great, as always. It wasn't long, but it was good to hear another adults voice today. Especially her voice. She said, "Ummm....service always helps and get some exercise." She then chuckled and said, "I can tell you to do that, but I can't do it myself. I'm in my stretchy pants and I'm going to take a nap right now..."

We chalked it all up under pregnancy. And we will once again be ourselves when this blessed season is over. My thirsty self hopes that is the case. I can not wander in this arid state much longer. I must find someway to fill my well in the meantime. Something that requires movement. I've been reading, but that just keeps my round rear on the couch longer than it needs to be there.

I feel a personal challenge coming on....

Find water for my well.
Find myself again.
And most definitely find joy in this season.

Oh yeah, and clean out any unwanted guests.

p.s. Now that I have sat here in silence and had a moment to vent, I'm remembering that I do love being a mother. And I was telling the truth last night. And tomorrow is going to be great. I get to be with inspiring and motivated mothers as we discuss the power of moments. I started a learning circle and it helps me tremendously. The timing couldn't be more perfect. Sound like something you'd like too? Go here and start your own! You will be so happy you did!

My busy toddler

2011-11-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

After staring at pictures of us in Mexico on the computer, Hazel, who was sitting on my lap, pointing at the swimming pool, jumped down and disappeared. She came back holding her swimsuit and some old sneakers. She demanded I put them on.

And so, the rest of the day, she bathed in her imagination.

She was back in Mexico.

Pumpkin Bread.

No explanation needed.

Pumpkin Bread and purple marker.

Hazel? Hazel? Where are you?

Oh, there you are!

No explanation needed on this one either.

Busy. Busy, busy, busy.

So full of life!

Play dough cupcakes. Our favorite.

I don't know how I keep up most days. But I do know that I hope she doesn't keep growing this fast. I am loving this way too much.

Like photos? I have photos. More Mexico photos...

2011-11-29T10:00:00.001-07:00

I have so many great memories from that trip. It's impossible to list them all.

I will always remember walking hand in hand in the rain down Fifth Ave in Playa Del Carmen, watching the vendors try to get our attention and watching the kids eyes pop in amazement at all the fun stuff to be had.

I will remember Hazel and what an easy traveler she was. She was content doing anything. She just wanted to be with and say "hola" to whoever passed by. She was a gem. Is a gem.

I will remember Owen's excitement when Hazel finally toppled over onto his lap in the back seat of the car and fell asleep. He wouldn't move. He just kept laughing and giggling and saying, "This is so cute! This is so cute!"

I will also remember how hungry I was on this trip. It got comical and ridiculous after a while. There never seemed to be enough food. Brian had to constantly go out and search for food. Poor guy. Poor pregnant mama. I couldn't fill up and if I got hungry, man, I got sick. And thirsty? Well, don't even get me started on thirst. Nothing could cure that. Water was like gold. It was so expensive to have to buy water from the resort. Two weeks of that got old. We were all thirsty. I think we were thirsty for the comfort of being able to drink from the tap. When you can't have something that you're used to having so accessibly, I think it makes it even more desirable.

We did our best to hydrate and keep food in our bellies.

I'm thankful for clean, running water.

I'm also so thankful for the YUMMY, cheap, taco stands.

Talk about a taco feast!

Tulum was breathtaking.

That water and that sand, oh-yeah, Mexico, you are amazing!

Just after this picture was taken, we went down the cliff behind us, and dunked in that heavenly water. I took a few moments to myself and swam out as far as I could, flipped over and let my pregnant body become one with the ocean. I just laid there smiling.

Moments to myself didn't happen on this trip. I couldn't go out for a run. I was never without the kids. So I took a moment. MY moment. And I enjoyed it more than any other moment, those two weeks.

A mama needs to float.

A mama needs to smile and enjoy God's creation.

A mama definitely needs a moment to herself to regain strength.

And that water did it.

It was Heavenly.

I'm thankful for Tulum.

The second week we were there, we played hard.

I mean, we beached hard.

Nachos and Pina Coladas were a saving grace for this hungry pregnant Mama.

Trying to catch fish with cups...

And can you believe it...Owen actually caught a fish with his cup.

Unbelievable!

He named it "Sugar."

Ukulele concert

Time to go home. We loved it. The time together was priceless. Really. The life lessons were valuable too. Besides the few hiccups that happened...including getting robbed by the police...yeah, that happened, it was a very successful trip. We were ready to board the plane though and get home.

We were much happier to see Atlanta the second time around. As soon as we saw a drinking fountain, I told the kids they could go drink as much water as they wanted.

I've never seen them run so fast.

We love our homeland, America.

We FEASTED at McDonald's and Panda Express.

I was a happy, stuffed, pregnant Mama.

After a two week vacation with 3 little kids and a demanding, pregnant wife, Brian was beat. We found a secluded spot in the airport and he crashed...

Elle and Owen had to get caught up on homework while we waited.

Back to reality...

We got home after another long day of travel. Brian went out yet again to search for food. Our fridge was empty. As soon as we filled our belly's once more, we went straight to bed. I heard no complaints from anyone. Lights were out at 7:00 pm, and this family of 5 slept with giant smiles on their faces.

We were home and we were safe and our trip was a success.

The End.

What's Mexico without swimming?

2011-11-28T18:39:00.001-07:00

I finally got my wish.

Sunshine and peace...

Elle got sick with a fever. Bummer.

Getting to Mexico

2011-11-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

So, it was time for Mexico!

I packed. (I puked). I packed again.

And that exciting day finally arrived when we would get to leave our little home and country and have an experience that would be memorable.

The kids couldn't wait to fly. Unfortunately, I didn't share their excitement. It was just a means for me to get to the ocean and enjoy the fluffy white sand surround my toes. I wanted sunshine and peace. That would be my mantra throughout the day...

Sunshine and peace...

We loaded our family of 5 onto the airplane as soon as they announced "those traveling with small children may now board.."

When a family of five boards a plane, people stare. And I laugh because I can hear their thoughts. Forget it, I can see it written all over their faces.

There's the young guy that has the nice, fake smile looking up at me, but he's silently saying...."Please, oh please, don't be sitting next to my row."

There's the grandma's that I love so much that can only see Hazel's cheeks and hope that we sit next to her so she can lend a hand. And I hope for the same.

There's the flight attendants that paper-rock-scissors as soon as we pass them to see who will have to man our section of the plane.

There's the women who are without their own kids, who are thinking..."Oh, that poor mother, she looks tired already. She's going to have a long day. I'm so glad that's not me."

And then there are the few random people that wonder if we have ever heard of birth control. And those are the ones I want to chuckle at and say..."Oh Yeah, and there's one in the oven!"

Really, I feel sorry for anyone sitting next to us. It's stressful. I have well-behaved children (well, most of the time), but three hours on an airplane and a Hazel that can't sit still for 5 seconds is a recipe for disaster. So, I smile at everyone and give them all my silent message that says..."Just make sure you put your headphones in and enjoy the ride!"

Luckily, it went as smooth as it could. I made sure I had enough suckers and candy to calm any storm. And I munched on a gazillion pretzels to keep from puking in the little baggy in front of me. The older kids were fascinated with the flight. And that made life easier.

We finally reached....Atlanta.

Our adventure began. Not the way we had envisioned, but it began.

The flight was a little late which made connecting to our next flight a trick. We ran. We sprinted to the opposite end of the airport and made it to the gate with 5 minutes to spare.

Someone at Delta issued us the wrong color of ticket for Hazel (who was a lap child). They wouldn't take it. We begged, we tried everything, but our only option was to run back to the opposite end of the airport and get the right color of ticket. Brian had 5 minutes to save the day. Everyone had boarded. The terminal was a library. The kids and I patiently waited to see if Daddy could somehow perform his magic.

No such luck. The lady behind the counter told the crew to unload our luggage. We weren't getting on that flight.

Brian showed up. I shook my head, it was too late and airlines have no mercy.

Elle was hysterically crying...."We can't go to Mexico now! We're never going to get to Mexico!"

Brian....lost it. He's a calm guy. Quiet, most of the time, but mess with his family or his plans and quiet Brian...isn't so quiet. The poor lady behind the counter on an authority trip got the not-so-quiet wrath of Brian.

I had to quickly usher the kids away so that he could do his thing and not scar them for life. It wasn't pretty.

See, we checked every last little bag we had. I had my purse with me, which had one more diaper in it and I had my camera bag and Owen had his blanket. There were no more flights to Mexico that day. They weren't going to give us our bags back until we loaded the next day. So, we were to set up camp in Atlanta. Brian argued with the airline for two hours. The kids and I kept going back for more bagels and cream cheese. I was starved and tired.

Long story...short (trust me, this is the short version). We stayed in a disgustingly ghetto hotel that night. I sound ungrateful, but it was stinky and dirty and gross. We had no change of clothes, toothbrushes, combs, diapers, food, soap to take my make-up off, or new make-up to put on in the morning. Nothing. It was very unfortunate. And we were all tired and upset. Brian walked around Atlanta that night looking for deodorant and diapers. The local Chevron delivered. Thankfully.

And then I realized that this was a wonderful opportunity to teach the kids about "rolling with the punches" and "everything happens for a reason."

We turned our anger and disappointment into gratitude.

"We weren't supposed to be on that plane and we weren't supposed to be in Mexico today. We are supposed to be right here in Atlanta, together. And even though we don't have some of the things with us that make life comfortable, we have each other." And, "Yay! We get to spend some time in Georgia, where Grandpa served his mission!"

That turned the mood around. All of a sudden, Elle couldn't wait to tell Grandpa how cool it was that we were in Georgia. And how cool it was that God had our back. That He was watching over us and putting us in the right place.

And I saw once again that we as parents are examples to our children. They follow our lead. If we are upset, they're upset. If we are calm, they are calm.

So, our adventure had begun. We left the hotel bright and early with our messy hair and dirty clothes and did the airport thing all over again.

And I think God knew that I needed a little tender mercy. Brian got bumped to First class which he of course gave to Hazel and I. And what do you know? The only vacant seat in the plane was the first class seat next to mine. I buckled Hazel next to me and gave her some toys. We were both very happy to have our own space. It was smooth sailing from there...

And we finally arrived with thankful hearts and happy smiles! It was humid and hot and beautiful! We turned our resort room into our temporary home and focused on nothing more than fun and relaxation!

The resort was like a mini city with it's own jungle.

We did lots of walking.

We experienced jungle, torrential, hurricane rains that first week. For four days it rained. The sidewalks were flooded. The kids watched cartoons in Spanish, we napped and really took relaxation to a whole new level. When Spanish cartoons got old, we sat under a cabana and devoured bowls of fresh guacamole while the hurricane pounded the beauty around us. We did our best to enjoy it...

Elle lost her tooth. We weren't sure if the tooth fairy goes to Mexico. Lucky for her, it does. His name is "Raton Perez." And he was generous.

He gave her 50 pesos ($5).

We were ready for sunshine. We needed the fifth day to deliver or our two week vacation was going to be cut short.

Thankful

2011-11-23T12:40:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I love what it represents. I probably say the same thing every year, but I'm not fond of Thanksgiving dinner. The pumpkin pie and I though, are friends. I do love the company and the time spent in the kitchen with family. Most of all, I love to see little kids chasing each other through every corner of the house. I love not sending my kids to school for a few days and I love just being together.

I'm thankful for a week that focuses on gratitude.

Right now, I'm thankful for suckers. Little blue dum dums that completely consume my little Hazels attention so that I can have a few minutes here on the computer to get caught up.

I'm thankful for these three blessings.

I love them.

I'm thankful for their Daddy.

I'm thankful for the little peanut inside my tummy right here.

I'm thankful to have them to love and

I'm thankful they love me too.

Pregnant Season (Part Two)

2011-11-23T09:40:00.001-07:00

Well, time did tell eventually. There was another line on that stick. A very faint one, but there was a second line and it only took 10 days after the test for my body to be thrown into it's first trimester...joys.
The new season was upon me.
Oh how I wish there was some way to prepare for it! There is however a way to remember...and these are the seasons to remember. At no other time in my life am I so off my rocker than when I'm pregnant. I barely recognize myself or my attitude. It's insane.

September 24, 2011
I'm starving today. I'm loving chocolate covered almonds and salty foods. Owen had a soccer game at noon. Brian was at a golf tournament. We had a million places to be, birthday parties, etc... We stopped at In-n-out burger. I ate one cheeseburger and it didn't even register in my stomach. I was nauseous and STARVING still. So I ate the one that Hazel didn't eat. Never in my life have I eaten two cheeseburgers in 10 minutes. Pitiful.
I'm already up 5 lbs.

September 25, 2011
I spoke in church today. I was happy I didn't feel sick or faint at the pulpit. That would be typical of me. And I'm so glad I defied my odds.
I forget what a giant sacrifice it is to be pregnant. But I'm so excited to have another little one running around. Hazel needs a buddy.

September 28, 2011
6 weeks pregnant.
My friends Liz and Heidi came by. Heidi brought me the most delicious fresh peach pie (which I devoured the next morning for breakfast.) I got to talk pregnant talk with them and explain why I couldn't run the race with them. We all commiserated about the "joys" of being pregnant.
I'm tired. I can't keep my eyes open. I feel huge. My face is enormous. Nothing fits. I feel like a lazy bum. Having a hard time not getting down on myself.

September 29, 2011
More whaaaaaa whaaaaaa. Ate too much pizza. Had a fever and chills all night.
Blah Blah Blah...

October 3, 2011
So sick all day. Woke up puking. I'm supposed to be getting ready for Mexico. How strong am I now, Mandy? Nothing is getting done. I can't get off the couch.

October 4, 2011
The smell of my own deodorant makes me gag. Hot showers make me lightheaded. I take cold ones now. The thought of food is revolting. If I don't eat, I puke and feel worse. I'm trying to be tough. I really miss my daily dose of endorphins!
I'm happy to be pregnant. It's soooooo bittersweet.

October 7, 2011
I eat a lot. There is the most wretched taste in my mouth. It's indescribable. I've been getting a fever with chills every single night. That's weird and very new. I got in the bath and BEGGED God to make me strong enough to endure this. I am not strong enough on my own. I feel too sick and sad and that's not how I want to feel when I'm being blessed with something so wonderful. I desperately need an attitude adjustment. And some energy to chase my other little ones around. How am I going to do this Mexico trip in 2 days? I can barely make it from one room to the next.
Help. That's what I need. Divine help.

........MEXICO.......

I don't know how I managed, but the bags got packed, and we left for our two week adventure. I prayed pretty hard that day. I knew that having Hazel on my lap while going several hours and plane rides without food was going to not only be completely exhausting but it would be trying. And man, was I right. That day, truly, never ended. I can't believe I survived it.

I'm thankful. I really am. I sound ungrateful. And most of the days I feel ungrateful. But I know that this is a wonderful season to be in. It has its ups and it has its downs. It brings out my weaknesses which is a blessing. It shows me just how much I need heaven.
It helps me slow down and remember the very simple things of life. More like the very bare necessities. It's funny, I'm thinking back to the long list of things I wanted to accomplish. My list was packed. And now, the only things I have on my list are...

Brush Teeth (preferably without gagging and puking).
Read.
Pray.
Feed kids and get them to their destinations.
Sleep.
Eat.
Wash laundry.
Love.
Shower once in a while.

That's it. I'm a happy girl when I can mentally check those things off my list every day.
Folded laundry is a luxury item in our home right now. A homemade meal is also a luxury item. The kids pull more weight around the house these days. Making do with what we have is the lesson we are currently learning.
Tis the season, right?

I feel blessed. And having Thanksgiving around the corner, I can honestly feel thankful for this blessed season. It's a hard one, but I'm learning so much because of it. The greatest part is that at the end of this season, I get to welcome a new member from heaven to our family. That joy is never-ending. That right there makes these nine month of craziness so incredibly bearable.

Oh my, I'm thankful!!!!

Entering a new season called Pregnancy (Part One)

2011-11-21T10:00:00.003-07:00

Everyday is part of a changing season. That doesn't mean though that the change can't sometimes shock our system and knock us to the ground. Winter seems to do that to me every year. I'm never prepared. Even though I know it's coming. There is always that one day that is colder than the previous. The one night's frost that can kill an entire summer's worth of crops. And WHAM just like that, it's time for snow shovels and winter coats. Our lifestyle has to be altered and adjusted to match the season.

Oh my, how that parallels life. The seasons that surprise us and the ones that we expect still creep up so incredibly fast. At least with the weather, we know what season is coming and really shouldn't be surprised. Most of the time, with life, we're not blessed with a forecast. You just never know what the next day will bring.

I knew a different season was approaching in my life. I deliberately wanted it to. I wanted to finally fit in the last piece of our family puzzle and make it complete. So, I intentionally brought a new season upon me.

Pregnancy. I just never get used to it. I haven't quite mastered the whole "adjusting to match the season" part of pregnancy yet. And I suppose I never will.

So, we wanted to get pregnant. And we hoped. And every month we wondered. And we tried to predict and we tried to alter our schedules and activities "just in case." And we tried to be prepared for a new season. But after a few months of negative tests, and all the wondering, we decided to just keep doing what we were doing and let it happen when and if it may.

We planned our Mexico trip, knowing that there was a possibility that I would be pregnant. And my non-pregnant brain, the one that forgets what it's like to be pregnant, said..."Hey, no problem! If I'm pregnant in Mexico, I'll be just fine and deal with it! I'm a tough girl! Come on! It's Mexico, let's go!!"

And my non-pregnant brain also agreed to run my favorite race of the year, REDROCK Relay Zion's with my favorite people in the world, including my sister this year. So, I trained and anxiously waited for it to come. Because I again thought..."Hey! If I'm pregnant, no big deal! I'll just do it and be strong!"

Yeah.

So much strength and so much wisdom!

I'm an idiot.

It's easy to be strong, when you're strong. It's easy to say you'll endure something, when you're not enduring it. It's easy to say you'll do something when it's a bunch of words. It's not so easy when you actually do it.

I would be wise to remember that.

Let's rewind. September. A week before my race. I started having recurring thoughts and doubts about the race. I pushed them aside. But my feelings kept getting stronger and stronger which increased with the pressure I was receiving from Brian to go to California and attend his friends wedding with him instead. Confusion set in and then walls and it was made very clear to me that running the race was not the right thing for me to do.

DARN! (More like kick and scream and punch and throw a massive tantrum on the floor.)

I bawled. No joke. I bawled for days. Yeah, I love that race and that weekend that much. And I had worked hard to be ready for it. But a greater power knows me so much more than I know myself.

I would be wise to remember that also.

I went to the wedding, still confused and dumbfounded about why I wasn't able to run the race and full of so many feelings. One morning, while Brian and I were in San Francisco, we went for a run. It was a beautiful little canyon run that wound up to St. Mary's College. We went about a mile and my vision went blurry. I started getting lightheaded. I couldn't see the road and the shoulder anymore, it had all blurred into one mass. We turned around and I did my best to run down and not fall flat on my face. When we got to the car, my blood sugar had tanked and I was in a cold sweat. I blamed it on the lack of breakfast, but really, did I not eat enough at that hotel buffet? Not likely.

That's when the thought crept in...

Hmmm...maybe I'm pregnant.

No. Couldn't be. Don't get your hopes up!

It was just a freak thing.

And then I realized....

Wow, I am supposed to be charging up a 7 mile hill in 100 degrees right now, 3 times, without sleep.

Yeah, Mandy, how were you going to do that?

And then I apologized to God for resisting. For being angry. For doubting. For being...me. And I then thanked Him.

We drove home from San Francisco and I did what I do best on road trips. I scribbled pages and pages of personal and family notes. I wrote goals and set dates and let my mind flow with lists of things I wanted to accomplish. Again, my non-pregnant brain tried to convince me that I could still do a million things even if I was pregnant.

I couldn't wait to start implementing all my ideas. Brian came up with some as well. I came home, typed up the lists for Brian and I and hung them in our closet, where we could stare at them every morning.

I was so excited! I had new once-a-week goals, once-a-month goals, family traditions, books I wanted to write, books I wanted to read to the kids, classes I was going to take, triathlons to train for, etc...

Right now, I'm laughing. I crack myself up! My brain. Really? Am I really that forgetful? Did I really think that if I was pregnant I was going to do those things?

I'm thinking I was in denial and still didn't want to get my hopes up. It wasn't quite time to take a test yet and solidify our suspicions.

We got home to our kids Sunday night and went about our business as usual. But the next few days were hard. I was angry, emotional, tired and I couldn't figure it out. I only wanted to read and chill, but that doesn't happen easily at our home. I'm not good at chilling.

Brian noticed I wasn't myself.

Wednesday night at 10 pm, he said, "That's it, I'm going to the store and I'm buying a test!"

He came home a little later with a pregnancy test, some ice cream, Pringles and a bottle of sparkling cider. He was pretty sure that test would read positive. I still thought it would read negative.

The test and I went to the bathroom. We did our thing. I set it down and went to get Brian, who was pouring sparkling cider into two fancy wine glasses. He was grinning from ear to ear.

We grabbed hands and walked into the bathroom and examined the stick.

And then the box.

And then the stick.

And then the box again.

We saw one very dark pink line and weren't sure if we were seeing the second line. We kept looking at each other with the same confused look.

"Do you see a line?"

"I don't know, do you?"

"I think so, but I'm not sure."

"So....what is it? Positive or Negative?"

"No idea."

I said, "It's negative."

He said, "It's positive."

And we left it at that.

Time would tell eventually. We went and drank our cider, cracked open the Pringles and toasted to the possibility of being pregnant.

And that night, my clouded memory cleared, and I knew that if that test was positive, I was about to enter a new season. And a major adjustment would have to be made.

To be continued....

A little bit of Mexico

2011-11-08T06:09:00.001-07:00

I took over a thousand pictures in Mexico. I'm having a tough time condensing them to just a few. And it's hard to find the time to do that when I go to bed at 8:00 pm every night and nap when Hazel does. Sitting at the computer is not part of my day any more. It will be soon, but not while I'm busy growing arms and legs inside my tummy! (I'm so happy to have our secret out in the open now!)

So, my thousand pictures are waiting patiently for me to visit them. And one day, I will get through all of them.

One day.

I also have stories. Oh, do I have stories! But they too will have to come little by little.

For now, here are a few of my favorites...

Announcing...

2011-11-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

Lessons that are better learned early.

2011-11-03T21:57:00.000-06:00

This morning Elle came down the hallway with a very sad and long face. I was busy making breakfast and rushing Owen along. I asked her what was wrong and she said,
"I don't have any cute clothes."

Think....think...think...
Hmmmm....where is this coming from?

"So, what makes you think you don't have cute clothes?" I asked.

She said, "Well some of my friends at school are in a club and they told me that only girls that dress fancy can be a part of it. I have to get fancier clothes to be their friends."

Oh...
Really...
This happens in 2nd grade?

"Okay. That's very sad to hear Elle. Do you like your clothes?" I asked.

"Yes, but I want to be their friends," she said. And then she told me that they don't say nice things to her and they tell secrets.

"Do you want to stop being Elle and be like those girls?" I asked.

She responded with a very surprisingly and confident, "NO! I like being Elle and I don't want to change."

"Do you think that these girls would be good friends? Especially if they think you should change and be more like them?" I asked.

"No!" She said. "And we talked about that once in Primary (Church). We should always be ourselves."

I then asked her, "Are there other girls at school that like you just the way you are? And in the clothes that you wear?"

"Yes." And she listed all the friends that were fun and kind and accepting.

"So, who would you rather be with?" I asked.

"My nice friends." She said nodding her head.

I finished us off with..."Okay, then. How about we always remember to be happy being ourselves and try to choose friends that are nice and don't want us to change...and try to help the other friends that aren't so nice remember those things too. Because friends that only want us wearing fancy clothes aren't really friends."

In the middle of that conversation, there were snippets from Owen that show just how different boys and girls are. Elle and I were all talk and emotion, etc... And Owen kept saying, "Elle, those girls are dumb. Don't be friends with them! Just ignore them!"

I love it.

Elle got it. She left the house this morning with a smile on her face, having forgotten all about her "need for fancy clothes."

I enjoyed that moment this morning. I love teaching moments. I love lessons that can be learned early in life and I love when my kids can come up with the solutions and figure it out themselves. I learn so much from them and about them. I was happy to know that Elle likes being Elle. I was happy to hear a younger brother give such advice to his sister. And I liked the reminder. Unfortunately, adults can be that dumb too. We are just as guilty of comparing, judging and discriminating. If only we could really just love being ourselves and surround ourselves with those who love us unconditionally too.

Hmmm. If only.

When the kids were at school this morning, I turned on General Conference talks by Elder Uchtdorf.
I really love that guy. I listened to quite a few of them. Each one had a very different message behind it. But the one that really resonated with me was this one, "You matter to him."

God loves the meek and humble! He doesn't care how fancy our clothes are. He cares about our heart. That's what matters. And that's the message I really want to instill in my kids. I'm afraid this is a lesson that will have to be re-learned over and over.

Halloween

2011-11-01T21:32:00.001-06:00

Wow! Halloween week is nuts! It always seems to creep up on me and I never remember just how much goes into making it successful. I don't know that I would call this year a success, but I did my very best.

When we got home from our trip, Brian and the kids went in the backyard to finally harvest our pumpkins. I honestly didn't think we'd have very many orange ones or any at all for that matter. I mean, how many pumpkins can come from 3 pumpkin plants?

51.

Fifty One pumpkins.

They kept coming back for more. It finally got dark and they were still rounding up pumpkins, this time with flashlights. I was blown away!

That's awesome!

We only carved two. That was our limit this year.

Eating the seeds that have been cooked in goodness, that's really the part I love! And being with friends and great food. Holidays are the best!

Brian was our Mexican Mariachi player this year.

Elle was Wonder Woman!

We had a fun time watching her in the parade and also in her class party.

The highlight is always going to Brian's office to trick or treat. Hazel...she's a trick or treater! She can out-candy ANYONE!

That girl means business. She had so much fun! She also had a death grip on her bucket.

What an angel!

Owen was first of all Superman, and then a ninja and then he wanted to be Avatar, no wait, Jack Sparrow.

You know, it was hard keeping up with his costume drama this year. He is a very high-maintenance costume kid.

He's not invited to Halloween next year! Sorry, Owen, it's true.

We did the church trunk or treat and party and then the actual Halloween Day came around and they did the real trick or treating. Hazel...she was in heaven!

Owen got to be Jack Sparrow for the night.

And the kids decided to trade all their candy in for a surprise from the Switch witch. They left their buckets full of candy by the front door in hopes that the witch that loves candy would come and leave them something great for it.

This year, she paid them for the candy. They woke up and found $10 each by their empty buckets. They were pretty happy about that.

Mom loves the switch witch!
Bye Bye Candy!!

And so, we survived, we enjoyed, we did it and now I can finally get to the unpacking. Yeah, that's not done yet. We barely have clean underwear here.

Goodbye Halloween! Hello November!

Holy Moly Guacamole!

2011-10-25T09:11:00.000-06:00

If only I had time to describe the state my life is in at this very moment...
it would be one to remember.

We just got back from a two-week family trip to Cancun. WHOWZERS!
We got home Sunday at 5:00 pm and by 7:00 pm lights were out and the entire family was asleep. Monday came quick and school started back up and life knocked me over.

Is it really the week of all the Halloween hoopla?

SHOOT!

I've got to get a grip on life and quick! But my body is still on Mexico playa time. I'm still dreaming in Spanish. I haven't opened our suitcases yet. We still only have butter in the fridge. The kids had cereal for breakfast and dinner thanks to some boxes of Rice milk in the pantry. My house is looking like it's in a state of emergency. And yet, I wander around aimlessly still trying to find the beach.

It's not here.

I can't describe how awesome it was to be unplugged for two weeks. We didn't take one computer, I didn't take my phone, we didn't get on the internet or check email while we were gone, and we had no clue what was going on anywhere else. I never knew what day it was or what time it was. All I knew was that when we were tired we went to sleep. And when we were ready to play, we got up. And all that mattered those two weeks was my family. I cared about what we were doing and what we were talking about. I cared about the experiences my kids were having and the lessons we were learning.

A trip like that definitely comes with memories, stories and plenty of hiccups. We had several of those. Which helps us be thankful that we are home again on our own soil and with our own little comforts. So, while I'm still searching for the Mexican playa, I'm also thanking God that we are home safe and that we have our life here waiting for us.

So much more to come...

Now is the time for Halloween costumes, candy, decorations, parties, and unpacking.

Conversion to the Gospel of Jesus Christ

2011-09-30T23:18:00.001-06:00

I was privileged enough to speak in church last week with one of the most inspiring women and mothers I know. She is leaving for her (4th or 5th?) mission for our church. It was her farewell talk and I got to sit up there and share the stand with her. I really do feel it was a privilege. And I am kinda crazy in that I love to speak in church. I find it exhilarating. I know, weird. It runs in the family. Anyway...

I also felt very lucky to have had the opportunity to talk on conversion. That word was constantly on my mind all week. I loved it. I loved thinking about it. I loved reading about it and then putting my own little life under a microscope to see just what that word meant to me. It was interesting...and what do you know, I'm still thinking about it and now, here I am writing about it....

I started my talk with a story. I've talked about this girl before, but man, I can never say enough about her.

Her name is Anthonette (Nettie). She lived in Norway in 1845. At 5 years old, she desired to know more about God. She had heard about Mormon missionaries and searched them out. She joined the Mormon church when she was 12.

Her next desire was to join the rest of the Mormons in Salt Lake City. She was the first of her family to emigrate to the United States. She took with her one pair of shoes and two dresses. She crossed the sea and took a train to Florence, Nebraska.

She then WALKED from Florence, Nebraska to Salt Lake City. Her shoes wore off her feet toward the beginning of her journey, so she walked barefoot the rest of the way.

She was given a pint of flour to eat each day. Occasionally she'd find crackers on the ground which she compared to manna from heaven.

She witnessed many deaths and other tragedies. She prayed daily for the spirit to keep her strong, which it no doubt did.

When she was 20 years old, she arrived in SLC, Utah. She was completely alone, barefoot and hungry. She found a job and eventually married and had 11 children.

Anthonette was truly converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

One of the Lord's 12 apostles, Elder Oaks, said this about conversion:

"Being converted is more than just acquiring knowledge. It's not even enough for us to be convinced of the gospel. We must act and think so that we are converted by it."

"The world teaches us to KNOW something. The gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to BECOME something."

Conversion is a process. It's not an event that takes place once. It's one that comes with "quiet miracles" and changes our hearts.

I grew up a member of the church, I always believed the church was good, my parents were faithful members, we did good things, I had no reason to stray from their beliefs. But one day that wasn't enough. It wasn't until I was 18 years old, far away from home, and having just experienced a series of trials that my conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ began to take life. Thanks to the missionaries and The Book of Mormon, I felt my heart change. And the gospel became DELICIOUS to me. It was no longer an obligation or just a good thing. It was something I LOVED and wanted to share (read more here).
And so that wasn't the end. It was the beginning.

How can someone become converted?

1. Like Anthonette, there needs to be a desire. You must want it!

2. Find out what IT is! Study it! The gospel can be taught through the scriptures, classes and missionaries.

3. Pray.

4. Open your heart, so it can change. The best way to do that is to serve others. Teach others what you've learned, practice and watch the conversion begin!

When we DO those things, our hearts become softened, our pride diminishes and we are more open to the spirit that can change our very nature and help us become converted.

And when we are converted...

1. Our pure desire will be to do good.

2. Our pure desire will be to follow the Lord and not rebel against him.

3. Our pure desire will be to share the deliciousness of the gospel.

4. Our hearts will be filled with the pure love of Christ.

It must happen continuously through our life. It can't be something we experience once and call it good.

In the final days of The Savior's life, he spoke to Simon Peter. Peter was one of his apostles. He walked and ministered and preached and accompanied Jesus. And yet, Jesus said this to Peter:

"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren."

If Peter, who walked with Christ, needed to be reminded to be converted, then, man oh man...I do too!

Elder Oaks also said that conversion toward Eternal Life is "achieved not just by doing what is right, but by doing it for the right reason...for the pure love of Christ."
(Not for others, not for show, not for obligation, not for any other vain reason. We do what is right because we want to become more like Him.)

We become CONVERTED when like Anthonette, we are willing to do anything; walk barefoot, hungry and alone to follow the gospel.

And when we forget "why" we do some things, I think we just repeat the process. Like Peter, Satan desires our hearts. And like Peter, we need to be reminded that being CONVERTED will help us become more like Jesus. I so want to not do dumb things and I so want to be more like him.
To love like that...wow.
I really want to be converted to that kind of love.

I have a long way to go. But I sure am thankful that I could learn more about that powerful word, conversion. And I am really grateful that we aren't expected to be perfect here on earth. I love that this life is about learning and growing.
And I am most excited that tomorrow and Sunday I get to listen to more inspiring words from the Lord's servants, His beloved Prophet and Apostles.
And you can listen too....click here!

No one is "just an" anything

2011-09-27T23:30:00.003-06:00

I was at a function/party the other night with my family and I was getting better acquainted with those there. In a conversation with one of the other mothers, I asked her about the salon she worked for so she told be about her job, etc...

She then turned the conversation over to me and asked, "
"So, are you...just a mom?"

My facial expression apparently had her regretting her choice of words. She tried her best to reach out and grab those words and swallow them whole.  And when that didn't work, she quickly said, "I mean, do you work outside the home?"

I smiled. Shook my head and said, "No, I get to stay home."

The words were swimming through my head.

Just a mom. Just a mom.

Just a cook, just a teacher, just a house cleaner, just a chauffeur, just a referee, just a mentor, just a Laundromat, just an organizer, just a nurse, just an everything else...

Just a mom. Just a mom.

To lighten things up, we chuckled about how much work it is being "just a mom."

But I truly meant it when I said, "I GET to stay home and be a just a mom." I take a great deal of pride in that. I choose to do that and my husband works around the clock so that I can do that. Right now, I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. But that's me.

One morning I had to go to the city early to report to jury duty selection. I had to wear business attire and travel with the morning commuter traffic. And while I was driving, I have to admit, and some won't like it and others won't understand it, but I wanted to tape a big sign on the window that said,
"I'm a stay-at-home-mom! I don't do commuter traffic! I'm on my way to Jury Duty, that's all! I would rather be home with my kids right now!"

I hated knowing that the babysitter was getting breakfast ready for my kids and I wasn't.  That she was able to get Hazel out of her crib and see her first smile for the day. I hated wondering what they were going to do while I was gone. And I desperately missed our morning snuggles and conversations.
I am absolutely infatuated with these little ones! And you know what, I know that there are working mothers that miss those things every day. What mother doesn't love to snuggle her kid?

Being "just a mom" is hard work. One day these little monkeys are going to be big and leave the house.  They'll go to college, they'll get married and have families of their own. And while they are growing and developing, I am paving their path. That is my job, or "just my job." I am helping them build character, dream, work, believe and accomplish. I am also helping them stay clean and out of the doctor's office! The list goes on. And of course I know that mothers who work outside the home have those same responsibilities. And so, I don't know how they do it. Really, I don't. It would be stressful. It's such a juggling act! And I also know that there are mothers out there who would do anything to stay home and not work. And I know mothers that are dying to get to work. And no one else should ever say which one is right or which one is wrong. It's so personal. I also don't think any one's responsibilities whether outside the home, inside the home, or wherever their presence is felt should ever be discounted with "Just a..."

Because I'm not "Just a mom." I'm not "Just an anything!" No one is! I'm so much more than that word, "just" suggests.  Just. Just. Just. Just implies minimal substance. Just implies...not enough.

"Hey Mr. Obama, are you just the President? Like, that's it?"
"Hey lady, are you just a hairdresser? Like, you don't do anything else?"
"And are you just a mom?" Like, you don't contribute anywhere else or do other things?"

Being "just a mom" doesn't mean that I don't have aspirations or goals. And it doesn't mean that I eat ice cream and watch T.V all day. Why is that picture painted when one mentions "stay-at-home" mom btw? Where did that come from?  (Remember this? When Brian joked about my eating ice cream and watching Oprah all day? ) Yeah, that was kinda funny.

My job as a mother is so rewarding and so incredibly hard. I wish we were given more credit as full-time mothers.

So, here's my PLEA...

1. Can we please refrain from describing people as "Just a...."

2. Can we please try to remember that we are all children of God which means we are all valuable? We are offspring from Deity. We all have our own unique circumstances and situations and choices to make and ways of looking at life. Which is what makes life so beautiful.

3. Can we try not to assume that others are not accomplishing great and marvelous things. Perhaps just getting out of bed is an accomplishment for some. I know some days it's like that for me.

We should do our best to remember that no one is "Just an...."anything, especially, "Just a mom." Because we are just so much more than that!

To listen to the Podcast I did for Power of Moms on this subject, go here....

Project central

2011-09-26T23:29:00.000-06:00

I can't wait to show the after picture! (Our very talented neighbor built them, Brian and I put in some serious elbow grease to culk them and I left the rest for Bri...)

Let there be order!

Seriously, what more could a girl want?

We're off track!

2011-09-26T23:01:00.001-06:00

We get to finish our summer now that October is about to start! YAY! Luckily, the weather is still summer-worthy! The kids slept in this morning, so did I, I have little helpers and buddies all day and we get to enjoy doing more of this for a while.

I swear, if I had it in me to home-school, I would.

I love these kinds of days!

Please oh please I wanna be a Snowmama!

2011-09-26T21:03:00.000-06:00

So, I applied to be a SNOWMAMA. (Click HERE, they are awesome!)
And I have to admit yet again, that my brain failed me. I was so excited to get to apply, that I quickly glanced over the application process and read that we needed to answer some questions or submit a video.

I stopped there and thought...
hmmm...I could possibly make a video before midnight...

It's at least worth a try!

So I did. I overcame several computer glitches and problems and powered through imovie to put together my favorite snow moments.

Then I went to attach the video at 11:15 pm and read the next line which said....

video must be 60 seconds or less.

OOOPS!!!

Mine is...over 60 seconds.

No video.

Not surprised. I love how I do things! Really, it's what keeps my life interesting!

So, here's my "Wanna a be a Snowmama" video!

At 11:30 I quickly drafted some answers for the application and now I get to wait with fingers crossed!

Wish me luck!! Our family wants to snowboard this year!
And we LOVE Park City!

Night at the baseball park

2011-09-15T23:29:00.000-06:00

Tonight was Owen's last baseball game until Spring ball starts. Phew! We made it! We were lucky to get him on to a team that is motivated to work and have fun. The coaches are amazing! Owen's one of the youngest players on his new team. They entered the league playing against the 7 and 8 year olds. He totally held his own. I had my doubts, I'll admit, but he did it. It's been rigorous and time consuming, but my boy still can't get enough. After a 2 hour practice in 95 degree heat this summer, he walked in the door and begged Brian to go out and play catch.

Every night he sleeps with his glove and baseball.
When we talk about his glove, he refers to it as his best friend.
I always ask, "But what about me?"
And he says, "Mom, you're best friend number 2."

Baseball is in that kids blood.

And so, as a family we support him (the best we can). Which means lots of hanging around ballparks past bedtime, dinners wrapped in tin-foil and put in a cooler, Elle doing homework while Owen practices with his team. Which was 2 practices a week since July and then 2 games a week with a practice in between. It's excessive for a 5 year old, but he was up for the challenge and he did awesome!

I'm ready to see it end though.
Soccer is in full swing and now we have that occupying our time (with a healthy dose of gymnastics and piano on the side too.)
They love it, and it motivates them and I love things that motivate! And I love hanging at the ballpark over watching him play video games.

I sure do love my little athlete!

This is how Hazel stays happy...

Today was tomorrow. And it turned out much better.

2011-09-14T23:22:00.000-06:00

Oh I'm so happy to learn from my mistakes!

Today was much better. First of all, I didn't stomp around the house like an angry witch. We started the day bright and early with a field trip to the farm.

Talk about a big game of duck duck goose...

It was a beautiful day to be outside.

Here the kids are enjoying the real geese...

Hazel couldn't read that sign. She was hoping every animal would snack on her little fingers.

That cow loved her! He was trying to lick her.

I love my job. I love being able to go to the farm. I love having a second chance to make things better. I love how kids are so loving and honest. And I especially love watching the excitement on their faces as they discover something new.

After a trip to Costco, I pulled in the garage and they camped there for a while....

(Hazel still has remnants of the chocolate covered acai berries they were sampling all over her face!) I LOVE that!!

Ahhhhh. What a great day.

Even better, I've blogged for 2 consecutive days now. I'm so proud! :)

Pete's Wedding

2011-09-14T00:19:00.000-06:00

Brian and I made a quick trip to the Bay area to be a part of one of his best friends wedding.

We spent a lot of time in the car.

We spent a lot of time dressed up.

I spent a lot of time making small talk with a lot of people I don't know.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about the race I was supposed to be running at the same time.

I spent a lot of time wishing I had a clone of myself.

I had funny conversations.

I danced with Brian.

I missed my kids.

I loved the hotel gym.

The wedding was lovely.

I learned a lot about Brian's childhood.

I slept a lot on the car ride home.

That wraps that up. It was a quick trip and I only took a few pics of it...

Brian and his old football coach had a moment...

Yeah, it was one of those days.

2011-09-14T00:00:00.000-06:00

I woke up today and wanted to be rebellious. And I wanted to be lazy. But do it positively. I was thinking along the lines of cozy, calm and peaceful. You know, an atmosphere condusive to reading and learning and resting. And since I was in that mode, I thought I would rebel and not exercise. I was tired. And I also thought it would be a good idea to start the starvation diet (which happens to go against everything I believe and everything that I preach) but with it being "rebellion day" I thought, what the heck. Going hungry would probably be good for me. At least for a while. I'm kind of tired of making food and wondering what I'm going to eat next. So, I began the day in starvation mode. It went well.

And then I caved.

9:30 a.m rolled around and I decided that the starvation diet was a bad idea. It sounded good when I wasn't hungry, but darn my belly, it got hungry and I reached for the scrumptious zucchini bread I made yesterday. And when I say scrumptious, I mean SCRUMPTIOUS. I made an extra loaf so I could give it to the sweet lady that substituted for me on Sunday in Nursery.

Oh-well. I guess I rebelled against my original plan. And you know what, not much good came from being rebellious today. I haven't felt that "off" in a very long time. I'm so glad this day is almost over.

Let's just say that loaf of zucchini bread I made out of the goodness and thankfulness of my heart...has been eaten.
By me.
A quick here's-why-recap:

1. Hazel rebelled and didn't nap today.
2. Lazy, reading day didn't turn out to be so lazy and educational.
3. Went for a bike ride to break up the laziness and feel fresh air. Rode bikes to the baseball park and played ball with Owen and Hazel. The event ended with a tsunami-size meltdown from Owen because he didn't catch a pop-fly. We left. He screamed the entire ride home.
4. Walked in the door and Owen mumbled so I could hear, "You really are a witch."
5. I sent him to his room before I could get my broom out and poke him with it.
6. Certain bowels of certain kids did not work as certainly as they should have.
7. The witch started to get a zucchini bread headache.
8. 4:00 still hadn't showered.
9. Really should have stuck with the starvation thing. Eating 5 lbs of zucchini bread and not exercising is really making me grumpy.
10. Found out that Elle's 2nd grade teacher is resigning and will be replaced by ??? Which to some is not a big deal, but to my Elle who suffers from anxiety over such matters, it's a big deal.
11. Feel like goo.
12. Wish I would have started the day doing what I know works.
13. Rebellion is stupid.
14. Didn't get to deliver my thank you note and loaf of zucchini bread to the very nice sister who helped me.
15. My grumpiness set the grumpy tone for everyone else.
16. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Luckily, I eventually showered, we went to Owen's baseball game and he had 3 awesome hits and scored 2 awesome runs which helped lighten everyones mood.

Luckily, everyone is asleep and tomorrow I get to try again.

Luckily, I do not have any kind of desire to rebel. Or starve myself or be lazy.

Luckily, I have bad days like that so that I can recognize the good ones.

And I'm betting that the sweet lady that was supposed to get my zucchini bread probably doesn't like zucchini or something like that. So, my consuming of her bread was probably a good thing.
yeah, that's a stretch, but whatever, I'm trying to justify my actions today...

I'll make her chocolate chip cookies tomorrow.

Tomorrow... ahhh...I'm excited for tomorrow.

And if you're ever interested in being tempted like I was with zucchini bread, here you go. It's my own creation...ENJOY!!!

Mandy's Scrumptious Zucchini Bread

DRY
2 cups Oat Flour
1 cup All Purpose Flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
3 tsp ground cinnamon

WET
3 eggs
1 cup olive oil
2 1/4 cup organic sugar cane
3 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups grated zucchini
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 fuji apple

Grease bread pans (I usually can make 2 full size loaves and 6 regular size muffins)
Preheat oven 325 degrees

Sift DRY ingredients together in a bowl.
Beat eggs, oil, vanilla and sugar in a large bowl.
Add sifted DRY ingredients to the creamed mixture and beat well.

Place nuts in food processor or chop them into smaller pieces.
Place apple in food processor until finely chopped.

Add zucchini, nuts and apple to mixture.

Bake for 40-60 minutes, cool in pan on rack for 20 minutes and remove from pan.

WARNING: This bread is EXTREMELY moist!! It's more like cake. It will be kind of messy. Especially if you don't let it cool before trying to remove it.