Dear Blog,
3:35 am. We really should stop meeting like this. I should be snoozing away right now, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. What are the chances? I was allowed to sleep 4 hours tonight; from midnight until 4:00 am, and in that 4 hour block, I had to pee twice, Elle had a bad dream, and an hour later, she needed help going to the bathroom.
I give up. Here I am.
My alarm is going to go off in 20 minutes and then I have to shower. I'm going to have my brain hooked up to some machine (EEG) for a couple of hours this morning and I'm supposed to be sleep deprived. Ha ha ha. I laughed so hard when they told me that. "Sleep deprived? Not a problem!"
I'm not here to complain though. In fact, I feel very humbled. I'm not angry or frustrated. I'm the opposite. I'm grateful.
I'm amazed at the continuing support and love from those around me. It's almost more than I can handle. My neighbor hit the nail on the head when she called me a "stubborn little mule head." I laughed all day after that. It's just so true. Why is it so hard to accept help? It's much easier to serve than be served. But when you physically can't do what you need to, there is no other choice than to accept help. That's where the humility kicks in.
In the last few days, my friends and family have done my grocery shopping, vacuumed my house, done my laundry, carted my kids from school and gymnastics and their house, fed my kids, brought me magazines and have just sat with me on my bed and talked, cooked me dinner while I watched, brought up my baby boxes from storage, shoveled my snowy walks and that's just the beginning. I don't even know what to say to all of that. "Thank you," just doesn't seem to be good enough.
I'll be so excited for the day that I can be the one on the other end. I'm learning so much right now. My friends and family are teaching me a huge lesson on service and what's important. I definitely need to learn from them. To give is to love. If there is one thing I get out of this Holiday season, I want it to be that; to give is to love. I know that I am loved and my heart is bursting to give back and show my love. I couldn't ask for anything better this season than to be able to spend time with my loved ones and right now, I'm able to do that. Even though I'm not 100% thrilled with the terms.
Now, what would make this holiday season absolutely perfect is some peace of mind. I can't wait to start getting some results from these tests. Speaking of which, my alarm just went off and now I have to shower. I've been given very strict and precise rules on how to wash my hair. It has to be dry before I go, so I'll go do that and then wander my house until 7:00 when my kids roll out of bed and I get to help them get ready for school and drop them off at my neighbors. Where I will yet again, swallow another dose of humility and gratitude. How much of this can a person take? It's not easy. But I'm grateful.
Good morning,
Mandy
1 comments:
So after getting caught up on some of your posts, I learned that I am actually sleeping better than I thought, my grossly varicrosy covered swollen legs are much better than if they were twitching all night long, and although my belly is massive in comparison to your tiny one, at least it isn't covered with wires. Once again Mandy you humble me and remind me that I have so much to be grateful for. If you, who is struggling with so much, can find gratitude, then I definitely can! You are wonderful. Please let us know the results of your test. Your in my prayers!
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