When I can't solve my problems with a run

Today was a day that should really be forgotten.
So why am I blogging about it?
Because my brain doesn't do what it should lately. And also because it's Friday night, 8:30, just started to rain, Brian's gone, there is nothing on t.v and I'm in no mood to try and lie down to sleep or read for that matter.
Thank you blessed hips, sciatica and restless legs!
In fact it's because of those three that today was such a mess. Sleeping is a thing of the past for me now. I'm tired and when I'm tired, my evil other half comes for a visit. Mrs. GROUCHY Pants. Ew, she's nasty! Today she put a spin on her personality and added some sadness and tears to her usual angry spell. The combination of those emotions made for quite the day. Drama, drama, drama! And it was all caused by me!
Ridiculous.

I used to avoid her appearance by simply leaving the house, with kids in tow, an ipod securely placed in both ears, and a sturdy pair of hot pink Aesics laced on my feet. The world around me would suddenly and miraculously disappear. It was that easy. It only took a few minutes and I'd be suddenly high. I was an addict.

I've been sober from my addiction for about 4 months now. And today I could have really used a dose of that high. It would have done the trick. The weather was torturing me. It was in the 50's, which is a perfect temp for a run and I could so easily see myself on the side of the road, lost in my music. All of my problems would have been erased.

But alas, I'm 35 pounds heavier than when I had my addiction. And I can't walk 10 steps now without gasping for air and sitting down to avoid passing out. It's my season. And a blessed season it is. I'm truly, truly, truly so grateful to be pregnant. I am in love with this little sweetheart that is kicking my ribs this very moment. I wouldn't change a thing.

So, what does this addict do when she can't get her fix?
Well, problems arose today. The tears came and the nerves broke down. And what's worse than just simply having a nervous breakdown? Doing it right in front of my innocent little ones. They don't like to see mom sad, so I tell them it's not fair for them to always get to cry and be sad, a mom deserves a turn too. And that's why I do it. To be fair.
(Oh...and because the little ones drive me bonkers at times!)

Instead of lacing up my trusty Aesics, this is what I did today to solve my problems:

• Cried to my sister. She is so great. And luckily when I'm down, she's up and when she's down, I'm up. It works out beautifully that way.
• Buckled the kids in the car, loaded their scooters and we listened to Pink really loud.
• Bought movie tickets for tomorrow night so that I can have a date with Brian. It helps to have something to look forward to. He suggested the "New Moon" movie for my sake. I didn't argue with him. I'm missing the big party my friends are having tonight at the movie theater, and I hate to miss a party. So, he had just the right idea. What a smarty pants!
• Put on a hat and took the kiddos to the park. I let them run around like wild Indians while I sat and listened to the wind howl.
• Met Brian for dinner at Cafe Rio so the kids could see him for at least 30 minutes this week, and so I could get a big hug and kiss. Another brilliant idea from smarty pants himself. He asked if he should see "Twilight" before the movie tomorrow. I said, "yes" and so I'm trying to stay awake until 10:15 so we can watch it. I still have an hour to go. In all honesty, I don't think I'll be able to last that long. I'm pretty wiped. And now I'm totally getting off the subject...
• I took the kids shopping for some projects I have in mind for the baby's room. We didn't find what I needed. And we got caught in the whole "In and Out Burger" traffic. It took forever to move 3 inches. That didn't help my mood.
• But when we finally made it home, the kids and I were buddies again. We read books and all agreed to go to bed and end the day. They gladly went to bed at 7:00 tonight. They were sick of me. I was sick of me.

My evil other half has finally left the premises. Sheesh! It took her long enough. What I could have accomplished with a 30 minute run, just took half the day.

I can't wait to get my running fix again. Neither can my family for that matter. We all need a huge dose of it!