His Six Year Old Birthday (Part One)

Owen's birthday was low key. 

He wanted to open his present in the car, play ball with Daddy, go out to eat and have the people in the restaurant sing to him, play XBOX and be the king for the day.

Done.

Best present ever...

The possibility to play catch for hours without his mama bowing out on him early.

White Boys Can Jump and Little Girl in Pink

Kicking off March Madness with some slam dunk skills...

The cheerleader...

Taking on the big guy for his birthday. 

I guess big boys wear pink too.

I think Owen won.

We are loving March so far! 

My Son's Reaction to His Birthday Letter and My Desire to Feel Guilt-Free

So, there I was, on my bed, typing away, crying, and feeling overwhelmed with love for my kids. Owen came in my room to ask a question and I told him that I was writing him a letter for his sixth birthday. I asked if he wanted to hear it. He climbed up on my bed and nestled his little body up to mine. I started the letter and couldn't get through the second word without flooding my blanket with tears once again. He looked at me kinda funny and I kept going.

When I was done with the letter, I noticed he was crying. He sat up and said that he had a secret to tell me. He put his head down, and paused for a second.
When he looked into my eyes once again, I saw his little chin quiver and he had a tough time spitting out the words.
He said in a whimpering voice, "Mom, you know why I ask to play with friends after school? It's because you're too sleepy now to play with me. I know when you're not pregnant you will have more energy, but I only want to play with friends because I know you're too tired. I would rather play with you than anyone else."

Brian was sitting on the bed with us when he said that. When he was done, he quickly jumped off because I think he was embarrassed and said, "Goodnight."

I lost it.

I feel so guilty. How can I find the strength inside me to not be so tired?  How can I step away from my mortal weaknesses and just fight my exhaustion with power?

Brian saw the tears well up in my eyes once again and I confessed that I feel guilty for being so tired. I feel guilty for being pregnant. I feel guilty that our family isn't strong like we're used to because I'm not able to hold it together like I normally do. My body is so incredibly weak and I'm so far from feeling even close to a remote version of myself.

But how can I feel guilty for carrying a child and bringing a new little brother into this family? I'm doing the best I can and how and when can I realize that that is okay. I can only do so much.

I'm touched that he would tell me his secret. I just love that kid so much and wish I could give every single one of my children the time and attention they each deserve from me.

Brian reminded me that we only have two more months until the baby is born and then I will have my body back and the strength that this family is used to.

Two months. 


Two months.


I can do two months. 


Two more months for an eternity with another little boy. 


Okay, I can do this. 


I love my kids. I'm a total grouch and they probably question that love every day, but I love them and when I hear how they really feel, my heart turns into mush and I remember that this life is all about them. It's all about family and I am really thankful for them.

Owen is SIX!

It's Friday! My kids are off track from school now, it's beautiful outside,  St. Patty's is tomorrow and Owen turned 6 yesterday.

(Gasp!)

I'm still trying to wrap my head around that fact. I don't know why, but I thought he'd always stay 5. We had such a low key birthday (given my current health state), which suits Owen because he is low key and he still loves his family more than anyone else. Thank goodness! So as long as we are together, he is happy.

My computer with the photos from his birthday is burning up, (I should clarify, my computer with the software needed to convert and edit my photos is burning up, so unfortunately I can't post those. But the Apple heroes will hopefully help me with that tomorrow!

(Crossing fingers)

More to come...

Hey Mama, Show Yourself Some Love

Being a Mom can sometimes be rough on the ole self-esteem or self-image. Especially for those who may have been skinnier before having children or accomplished in other areas prior to motherhood. Having babies has a way of putting a kink in that once-was six pack or that once-was brain. I happened to have lucked out in those two areas. I was fatter before I got married and I wasn't accomplished. So, I came into this with only one way to go...up.

Truth is, motherhood and marriage have been very good for me. I love the purpose I now have as a parent and the push to desire more from life. I was never a very determined person prior to motherhood, because I didn't feel the NEED to do more. I could easily meet my needs by going on a mini shopping spree, skipping college when the snow was good so I could go play on the slopes or just get the sleep I thought I needed. Those things were just part of life. I was a confident person in that skin. I had no idea that I would need that confidence to take on a whole new level, however. Then I became a mother. I quit my job. I stopped shopping. I no longer went snowboarding because my money was now his money and he was in grad school and we didn't have money to spend on those kinds of luxuries.

Sacrifices were made and one of the first things sacrificed was my confidence. How on earth was I going to feel good about myself when I didn't see a soul in the day and I couldn't visibly see fruits from my labors, unless a pale of dirty diapers counts as evidence. I didn't have much to show for myself or my time. I loved having a daughter to dote over and I loved watching her every move, that gave me such pride, but I still needed something to feed the inner part of my soul that longed for confidence. That's when I found running and I found that next necessary level of confidence. I found a much better version of myself because I needed to and I finally felt accomplished.

Every mother needs to feel great about what she is doing and great about who she is. Confidence in our ability to succeed as mothers is beyond-the-moon-important.
I'm afraid that's not an easy task. I'm afraid we let ourselves go too much sometimes and we allow that confidence we once had to dissipate with that six-pack.

This topic is on the forefront of my mind right now because I'm not running. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and weak. I'm thankful to be carrying a baby boy, but I feel like every other aspect of my life is falling by the wayside. Guilt and inability win most days. It's hard to feel confident when I can't even make breakfast without taking a break on the floor to try and catch my breath.

In one of our learning circles, I asked my friends what it is that boosts their confidence when their tank gets low. This is what they had to say...

Bottom line is we have to love ourselves. Our kids need to see that we love ourselves. It's how they establish a feeling of self-worth in themselves. So, if you're confidence tank is low, it's time to find what fills it up and get that sucker overflowing. It's healthy for everyone.

We are all so valuable. 

Wrinkles or Botox?

Owen asked me why I have so many lines on my face. HAHAHAHA!  Love it!
I suppose that's part of motherhood. It would be great to one day cover those up and try to pretend that aging isn't a part of life...

or would it?

Can wrinkles be beautiful?

Here's more on the subject...

Here's Where I Dive into Bullies and a Prevention Plan...

Bullies are everywhere. Heck, my kids could be the bullies and I wouldn't know it, or even me.
I hope not! If I've ever bullied you, let me know! :)

With the internet and social networking so prevalent in our daily life we can get bullied in our own homes. People can be ruthless with their little fingers, in their dark little rooms, with their dark little comments that cut and belittle. Amazing, isn't it? Well, actually, not so amazing.

This next generation has to really develop a thicker skin than I needed when I was younger. I'm trying to add an extra layer of skin myself over here. So, I'm delving into the subject of confidence over at Babble and working on beefing it up with every one in my family. That's how I plan to bully-proof my kids.
(Daddy doesn't need any beefing. He's solid as a rock, lucky guy. Oh to be him!)

But boy, kids aren't kind sometimes and I'm hoping I can do my part as a mom to build a strong shield of self-worth with my kids.

Here's where I'm starting...

How to Clean With Kids

HELLO SUNSHINE!

And hello Spring fever and nesting and Spring cleaning.
We are busy over here trying to get ready for baby #4. Buying beds, dressers, moving rooms around, and getting life in order has moved to the top of our list.

Phew, I'm tired just thinking about it.

We're excited though and time is quickly moving. I'm trying to give the kids a crash coarse in responsibility these next two months, so I compiled a list of age-appropriate jobs for kids over at Babble.
If you're in cleaning mode at your house, here's 20 ways to get those little hands helping out...

A Class for Mothers About a Frightening Addiction (Which I Happen to Call Plague)

Last week I held a small class for mothers in my family room. We dropped all barriers and got real with the topic of pornography. My sister taught the class and shared why and how and when this addiction comes to life and WHOA BETSY...it's frightening! Kids are exposed at such a young age, especially if they are on the computer.

It's the whole reason I wrote about it over at Babble and it's the reason I put this little group together. I'm so glad I did, because the more we talk about it and educate ourselves, the better equipped we are to address it with our kids. It's a plague that's breaking up families and wreaking havoc everywhere. It's not something I'm going to take lightly or brush under the rug.

Did you know that it is a chemical addiction? The brain science behind it is fascinating.

My friend Britta took amazing notes from the class and posted them on her blog. The statistics are mind boggling, but the message is one of power. By being open and talking to our kids and educating them of the dangers, we can hopefully keep our innocent little ones safe from it. I'm not going all "Dooms Day" on you. There is always hope and no reason to fear as long as we are smart and informed and of course, act.

Read all about it and let me know if this is something you worry about as a parent...

God is Not Boring

We're having a typical Sunday morning right now at our house. The remnants of our snowfall are melting in the sun, the sky is crystal blue and I'm sitting next to a beautiful vase of Callalilys (at least I think that's what they are) that are just starting to open up.  They smell so good.

The kids are choosing Mormon.org videos and fighting over who gets to pick the next person's profile. Owen only picks the boys and Elle only wants to watch the girls.

We're all still in our p.j's, Hazel is swinging on the treadmill bar, bowls of half-eaten cereal are sitting on the counter waiting for me to clean up, Elle is prolonging her morning medicine drink and I feel my patience start to wear thin because I'd like to get moving but can't leave her side because she'll dump her drink in the sink when I'm not looking. Story of our life.

My right eye is achy, I seem to have acquired a stye in my eye overnight and that's quite irritating. But it's not a big deal, it could be worse.

There is an animal project waiting on the dining table for Elle and I to finish for Elle's school tomorrow and  church will be starting 3 and a half hours which means all of us will need showers soon.

Life is definitely not boring, even on a lazy Sunday morning.
I just heard the most awesome statement on one of the Mormon.org profiles and got chills.

God is not boring.

Kevin said, "He has given us everything that we love. Every crazy color, feelings, emotions, rushes, adrenaline, everything that inspires you and gets you pumped and excited comes directly from him."

Yeah, God has given us everything and He is definitely NOT boring. The world is a beautiful place and we are so very lucky to have this experience.

When I walk outside today, I'll see the crazy colors and the enormous white-capped mountains and I'll think of just how amazing it all is.

God is great!
Happy Sunday!