A letter to start the day

Dear Blog,

3:35 am. We really should stop meeting like this. I should be snoozing away right now, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. What are the chances? I was allowed to sleep 4 hours tonight; from midnight until 4:00 am, and in that 4 hour block, I had to pee twice, Elle had a bad dream, and an hour later, she needed help going to the bathroom.

I give up. Here I am.

My alarm is going to go off in 20 minutes and then I have to shower. I'm going to have my brain hooked up to some machine (EEG) for a couple of hours this morning and I'm supposed to be sleep deprived. Ha ha ha. I laughed so hard when they told me that. "Sleep deprived? Not a problem!"

I'm not here to complain though. In fact, I feel very humbled. I'm not angry or frustrated. I'm the opposite. I'm grateful.

I'm amazed at the continuing support and love from those around me. It's almost more than I can handle. My neighbor hit the nail on the head when she called me a "stubborn little mule head." I laughed all day after that. It's just so true. Why is it so hard to accept help? It's much easier to serve than be served. But when you physically can't do what you need to, there is no other choice than to accept help. That's where the humility kicks in.

In the last few days, my friends and family have done my grocery shopping, vacuumed my house, done my laundry, carted my kids from school and gymnastics and their house, fed my kids, brought me magazines and have just sat with me on my bed and talked, cooked me dinner while I watched, brought up my baby boxes from storage, shoveled my snowy walks and that's just the beginning. I don't even know what to say to all of that. "Thank you," just doesn't seem to be good enough.

I'll be so excited for the day that I can be the one on the other end. I'm learning so much right now. My friends and family are teaching me a huge lesson on service and what's important. I definitely need to learn from them. To give is to love. If there is one thing I get out of this Holiday season, I want it to be that; to give is to love. I know that I am loved and my heart is bursting to give back and show my love. I couldn't ask for anything better this season than to be able to spend time with my loved ones and right now, I'm able to do that. Even though I'm not 100% thrilled with the terms.

Now, what would make this holiday season absolutely perfect is some peace of mind. I can't wait to start getting some results from these tests. Speaking of which, my alarm just went off and now I have to shower. I've been given very strict and precise rules on how to wash my hair. It has to be dry before I go, so I'll go do that and then wander my house until 7:00 when my kids roll out of bed and I get to help them get ready for school and drop them off at my neighbors. Where I will yet again, swallow another dose of humility and gratitude. How much of this can a person take? It's not easy. But I'm grateful.

Good morning,

Mandy

Late night rambling.

11:43 pm. I really want to write, but man, I have nothing in my head. Just got done watching, "The Holiday" while eating an entire bag of popcorn. I was going to put it down, but I wasn't able to until there was nothing left. Truth is, I desperately want to go to bed, but I am slowly developing a phobia of my bed. It's actually more a phobia of bed-time. Nighttime. It's terrifying for me. I'm EXHAUSTED, but my body doesn't want to allow me to indulge in such a luxury as sleep. And it is a luxury. The nights last so long and it's painful to just sit in bed while my legs twitch uncontrollably. So, I take baths in the middle of the night, I try to sleep sitting up, I have a million pillows surrounding me and just when I'm about to go under, my heart starts palpitating and I find myself gasping for air. So, I wander the house until I can start the process over again. Some nights I'm on the couch, and others I'm on my knees with a couple pillows under my belly. I wouldn't recommend that position, by the way. It's a killer when you try to move your legs after you've been that way for a while. OUCH! When all of those things get old, I rub peppermint essential oil all over my hips and thighs until they start to tingle and I can't feel them any more. That works sometimes. My bed smells very festive.

When I'm not ailed by those physical things, my mind kicks in one for the, 'Don't Let Her Sleep' team. Last night Brian and I had the "what-if-I-died" conversation. Wouldn't recommend it. Especially if you're someone like me who dwells on conversations too long after they're over, and also has way whacked out dreams and thoughts her third trimester of pregnancy. We hammered out all of the details, I gave him my specific rules for when the time does actually come that I kick the bucket. When we were done, his merciful brain let him drift into slumber and mine received an overdose of stimulants.

Back to the bath. This time with a small book of ancestral life-sketches. I read about Nettie again. She is so amazing and my life is so easy compared to hers. I wrote about her a very long time ago, but that post is somewhere deep in the many pages of my blog archive. And I'm not going to go searching for it. I'm trying to come up with a name for the baby. We're having a hard time deciding and I want it to be meaningful. We thought we had one and now we're getting cold feet with it. So, I'm back to the drawing board. Luckily, reading about Nettie and trying to decide on a name for our little girl took my mind off of me and my kicking the bucket.

Time to try and sleep again. Just when I was about to go under, Elle called out from the bathroom that there was no more toilet paper.

The universe is seriously out to get me. Team, 'Don't Let Her Sleep' is winning by a landslide!!

Tried again, but was unsuccessful. Went to the couch. Went back to bed. Sat up and waited for morning. What's my point in all of this? I'm not sure.

Oh! After just reading this obnoxious post, I'm writing about why I have a phobia of my bed and why I am up right now writing a bunch of unimportant details. Which has actually been beneficial on my account because now I am tired and ready to go to bed.

Let's hope I don't have this happen too many more times. One waste of a post is enough.

Wish me slumber.

Thanksgiving

I have much to be thankful for this Holiday season. Thanksgiving came and went very quickly but that doesn't mean it wasn't enjoyable. We celebrated turkey day with Brian's family. The weather was so beautiful, and watching my kids play football was so much fun. They love their cousins.

Dinner was yummy too. Brian made his coconut shrimp for an appetizer and our dinner hit the spot.

The excitement was just too much to handle for some. My little Owen crashed on the coffee table before we could make it home. That means it was a successful day.

34 weeks in all its glamour

There's nothing like a glamorous pregnant photo. That's what these are. Pure glamour! This is my 34th week documentation. Which is totally necessary because in 13 years when this little angel inside of me is sassing me, I can show her the evidence that it wasn't easy to bring her into the world. All kids love that "I carried you for nine months..." line don't they? Ha ha.

On a more serious note. Thank you for all of your kind wishes and your love. I can feel it and I'm so grateful. We're adjusting over here and this week has had it's ups and it's downs. I've entertained the doctors and done their tests and have the welts and bruises to prove it. That Holter monitor that I had to wear this week for my heart tore the skin right off of me. Sticky bugger.

We won't know the results of that test for at least a week. But I saw the doctor again Friday and I am healthy. Not diabetic. No thyroid issues. Liver looks good. Baby sounds good. Heart sounded good. I was however told that I need to have my head examined. (When I say it that way, Brian busts a gut laughing.)

My next stop will be the Neurologist. My next test will be an EEG. Which will record the electrical activity of my brain. When the doctor told me that, I shook my head. I again asked if this could all just be because there is a human being living inside of me. ???!!! He said, "Yes, but it could also be something else." So... I'll continue to entertain them, but in my opinion, this is all happening because the baby is sitting too high and kicking my diaphragm. I'm sticking with that story. In a few weeks, when she's dropped, I'll be out on the road once again.


In the mean time, I'm enjoying and absolutely hating being confined to my house. I'm enjoying the time Brian and I get to spend together. Our trips to the doctor have been like mini dates. While I shop for baby stuff, he sits on the nursery glider and works from his phone. He pushes my cart and unloads the groceries. What? That is so foreign for us! The neighbors saw him home the other day and couldn't resist asking him what the special occasion was. This has been a fun change for us. Can't wait to see what the next week brings.

34 weeks pregnant

That one prayer.

It wouldn't be hard for me to recall the number of times I have begged God to hear 'that one prayer'. 'That one prayer' usually comes in a very desperate moment when I have to dig deep within myself to see where my faith lies. And it never ends up being just one prayer, but in fact several of the same prayer, repeated over and over like a broken record, just in case He didn't hear the first 100 times. But it gives me comfort to say His name over and over until I'm consumed with His love. Saturday morning, I called on one name more than any other. I called out for my Divine Heavenly Father. I had to plead with Him to hear 'that one prayer' twice. And I know that He did.

It is a daily battle now to catch my breath. I have to make breakfast while sitting down, as well as doing Elle's hair and showering. I'm getting used to feeling like I'm going to topple over at any minute. I've just assumed that it's part of the process with this little one inside me. Before I go to a store I make sure I've stocked my belly with food so I don't relive my Wal Mart incident.

Saturday morning I decided to brave Costco because we were in desperate need of food. Elle wanted to come with me, so we loaded up first thing in the morning so we could be one of the first ones there. While she waited in the car for me, I made myself half a peanut butter sandwich, just in case the bowl of cereal wouldn't provide enough energy. We drove off and I ate it in the car. About 8 minutes past my house I started to feel short of breath. It got progressively worse with every second. I rolled down the window to see if that would help, but I still wasn't able to catch my breath. I felt like I was being suffocated. I kept repeating to myself,

"I can't breath, I can't breath...what do I do...oh crap..." All the while, Elle was in the back asking if I was okay.

I started to feel the cold sweat come on and my vision started to blur. I quickly pulled off onto the next street I could, slammed the car in park and tried to reposition myself. I knew if I tried to get out and stand up, I'd fall over, so I tried laying on the console.

That was when I passed out.

I'm not sure how long I was out, but I remember waking up to screaming. Again.

I couldn't hear it very well, it sounded very distant, but I knew it was Elle. She was crying out, "Mommy, Mommy, wake up! Mommy!!!!!" I tried to lift my head but couldn't. I was still out of breath. I touched my head and felt drips of sweat coming down. My right arm was numb and my body felt like it weighed 3 tons. Elle's crying kept coming in and out. Which I guess means that I was going in and out of conscience-ness. It almost felt like I was drowning. I couldn't breath and I couldn't do anything about it. Elle was still screaming. This time I heard her yell, "Unbuckle me! Unbuckle me! Call daddy, I want daddy, let's go home!!"

While she was crying out to go home, I was also crying out to home. I had 'that one prayer' in my mind. I kept repeating,

Heavenly Father, Heavenly Father....but I couldn't put any words behind it. I just called His name.

At one point I wondered...
Is this how I'm going to die. Am I dying? Will someone find me in time to save the baby? What about Elle? Is she going to watch me die here?

Heavenly Father, Heavenly Father, Heavenly Father....

Still, no strength to move.

I don't want to die.

It was that thought that got the ball rolling.

Phone, where's my phone?

It took several attempts to try and reach it on the passenger floor, but I was able to reach it and punch in H.O which brought up my home number. I touched the screen and it called Brian. He answered and all I had strength to say was, "I need help." He asked where I was and I told him I was at the river bottoms. He told me he was calling 911 and he'd be right there.

My phone then rang and I hit the screen. It was the fire department or someone, I'm not sure, they were asking me lots of questions and told me to stay on the line.

A few minutes later a police officer came to my window, I was still draped over the console struggling to breath and lift my head. He asked if I was in labor. I shook my head no. He tried to ask me millions of questions and told me to keep talking.

Yeah right. Stop talking to me. I'm trying to breath here.

Instead of talking to him, I handed him my phone so he and phone guy could have a nice conversation and leave me a lone. It was too hard to answer all of their questions. Finally, the police officer went to comfort Elle. He asked her what her name was and she clearly said, "Elle." He repeated, "Ella? That's a pretty name." I wanted so badly to correct him, but I couldn't.

I then heard the sirens coming. Brian and the paramedics showed up at the same time. Brian got Elle, and the Paramedics got me. They put me on a stretcher and hooked me up to oxygen and we were off.

Life started to get more normal from that point on. It felt good to lie down and finally catch my breath. They were busy poking my veins to try and get an IV in. It took them 3 tries. While they were busy hooking me up to stuff, pricking my finger, and doing whatever else they were doing, I was trying to stop shaking while I stared at the vents on the ceiling. They were cranking out some serious heat. I had the chills pretty bad and they kept talking about my coloring and how pale I was.

We got to the hospital and I got hooked up to a million other machines. The women's center came down to hook up the baby and monitor her, the EKG guy came in with his gadgets, I got more IV's, oxygen, blood pressure and whatever else they do. When the craziness finally died down, I saw Brian walk through the door.

He had been crying.

When he saw me, his tears started again. I couldn't help but break at that moment also. I quickly told him that I was okay, and baby was okay. It was such a relief to see him. He was my little savior that day. He brought with him Patty, the Relief Society President and her husband, Lee. They live across the street from us. Brian and Lee laid their hands on my head and gave me a blessing. I felt at peace.

The doctor came in and told me that he's concerned I might have Pulmonary Embolism. Which is a blood clot in the lungs. He ordered a CT scan for me. That's when we had issues. He told me that the radiation from the scan can not be totally blocked from the fetus.

I refused the test. The thought of having radiation that close to the baby wasn't even an option for me, and it scared me to death. I was being quite stubborn, so he told me he would consult with my OB and come back.

My dad showed up not long after and stayed with Brian and I through the rest of the day. He told us story after story to keep our minds occupied. I grilled every nurse I could about the CT scan. They all told me that I should do it. My OB said I should do it. When I had a heart to heart with the physician, I asked him what would happen if I had never come here and I did in fact have PE but it went undetected. He said quite simply..."you die."

"Okay. Fine. I'll do the scan."

Brian and I stared at the paper we were supposed to sign that states the hospital is not responsible for any complications, including death to the fetus.

"How am I supposed to sign this?" I asked.

He said, "You have to. We have to find out what's wrong."

So I signed and told him to not stop praying for our little baby.

They shielded me and I laid down on the table and went inside the ring of radiation. The machine told me repeatedly to take a breath and hold it. I went in and out of the ring. They pumped warm fluid through my IV and sent me in the ring again. I cried my eyes out through the entire scan. As I laid there with my arm up and my body inside the ring, I found myself uttering 'that one prayer' once again.

Please Heavenly Father protect this baby. Please hear this one prayer and protect our little baby. Please Heavenly Father...please....

I was hysterical. The radiation guy didn't know what to say when he came back and saw that I was sobbing.

He wheeled me back to my room and we waited. It took hours. When we finally spoke to the doctor, he told us the good news. My lungs were clear. The bad news was, they didn't know what was wrong with me. The ball got put back in my OB's court. They sent me home.

That night, Brian took the kids to his parents house so I could rest. When they came home, Elle saw me in bed and she climbed up into my arms and wrapped her little arms around mine as tight as she could and nestled herself next to me. She fell asleep not long after. She had a very traumatic day as well and we ended it together. I didn't want to let go of her, so we just snuggled. I think we were both feeling grateful for our lives that day and grateful for each other.

It's now Monday and I met with one of the Doctors in my clinic today. I have been ordered to do more blood tests to check my thyroid and I will be wearing an EKG monitor on my heart. Brian has taken my car keys away and banned me from doing any driving whatsoever. I don't like being told what to do, so I'm struggling a bit with that, but I'm feeling so grateful for the outpouring of love that we have received. The neighbors have gone above and beyond to help us, feed us, and volunteer their time to help me get the kids to school and back, etc... My family and Brian's family have done the same. It's humbling, really. I don't know what more to say, other than, my days of over-doing-it are over. It's time for me to learn a lesson on how to trust and depend on others and take it easy. A lesson I'm not good at learning. Brian keeps reassuring me that this is only temporary. We have about 5 weeks left and then we'll have this little baby. Until then, I'm on house arrest, unless I have an escort.

This sweet little baby is blessing us with a simpler life. Brian will be working from home more now, he's done teaching, the temple is being cleaned this month and he will be home every night of the week in December. I don't know the last time I was able to say that. I feel truly blessed.

Grandparents Day at School

This little cutie had a program for her Grandparents at school. She was on cloud nine when she found out that her Grandma and 2 Grandpas were going to come. She sang and shared cookies and got to show them around her class. Those are rewarding days.

When I can't solve my problems with a run

Today was a day that should really be forgotten.
So why am I blogging about it?
Because my brain doesn't do what it should lately. And also because it's Friday night, 8:30, just started to rain, Brian's gone, there is nothing on t.v and I'm in no mood to try and lie down to sleep or read for that matter.
Thank you blessed hips, sciatica and restless legs!
In fact it's because of those three that today was such a mess. Sleeping is a thing of the past for me now. I'm tired and when I'm tired, my evil other half comes for a visit. Mrs. GROUCHY Pants. Ew, she's nasty! Today she put a spin on her personality and added some sadness and tears to her usual angry spell. The combination of those emotions made for quite the day. Drama, drama, drama! And it was all caused by me!
Ridiculous.

I used to avoid her appearance by simply leaving the house, with kids in tow, an ipod securely placed in both ears, and a sturdy pair of hot pink Aesics laced on my feet. The world around me would suddenly and miraculously disappear. It was that easy. It only took a few minutes and I'd be suddenly high. I was an addict.

I've been sober from my addiction for about 4 months now. And today I could have really used a dose of that high. It would have done the trick. The weather was torturing me. It was in the 50's, which is a perfect temp for a run and I could so easily see myself on the side of the road, lost in my music. All of my problems would have been erased.

But alas, I'm 35 pounds heavier than when I had my addiction. And I can't walk 10 steps now without gasping for air and sitting down to avoid passing out. It's my season. And a blessed season it is. I'm truly, truly, truly so grateful to be pregnant. I am in love with this little sweetheart that is kicking my ribs this very moment. I wouldn't change a thing.

So, what does this addict do when she can't get her fix?
Well, problems arose today. The tears came and the nerves broke down. And what's worse than just simply having a nervous breakdown? Doing it right in front of my innocent little ones. They don't like to see mom sad, so I tell them it's not fair for them to always get to cry and be sad, a mom deserves a turn too. And that's why I do it. To be fair.
(Oh...and because the little ones drive me bonkers at times!)

Instead of lacing up my trusty Aesics, this is what I did today to solve my problems:

• Cried to my sister. She is so great. And luckily when I'm down, she's up and when she's down, I'm up. It works out beautifully that way.
• Buckled the kids in the car, loaded their scooters and we listened to Pink really loud.
• Bought movie tickets for tomorrow night so that I can have a date with Brian. It helps to have something to look forward to. He suggested the "New Moon" movie for my sake. I didn't argue with him. I'm missing the big party my friends are having tonight at the movie theater, and I hate to miss a party. So, he had just the right idea. What a smarty pants!
• Put on a hat and took the kiddos to the park. I let them run around like wild Indians while I sat and listened to the wind howl.
• Met Brian for dinner at Cafe Rio so the kids could see him for at least 30 minutes this week, and so I could get a big hug and kiss. Another brilliant idea from smarty pants himself. He asked if he should see "Twilight" before the movie tomorrow. I said, "yes" and so I'm trying to stay awake until 10:15 so we can watch it. I still have an hour to go. In all honesty, I don't think I'll be able to last that long. I'm pretty wiped. And now I'm totally getting off the subject...
• I took the kids shopping for some projects I have in mind for the baby's room. We didn't find what I needed. And we got caught in the whole "In and Out Burger" traffic. It took forever to move 3 inches. That didn't help my mood.
• But when we finally made it home, the kids and I were buddies again. We read books and all agreed to go to bed and end the day. They gladly went to bed at 7:00 tonight. They were sick of me. I was sick of me.

My evil other half has finally left the premises. Sheesh! It took her long enough. What I could have accomplished with a 30 minute run, just took half the day.

I can't wait to get my running fix again. Neither can my family for that matter. We all need a huge dose of it!

Never a dull week around here.

This week, I realized that I need a Muse.
Muse! Muse! I need a Muse! HELP!! (Actually, I need a lot more than a muse.)

Uncle Max kept it real for me when he told me just how large I was getting. I appreciate honesty in the highest degree. And coming from Uncle Max was just soooo right. I, of course started cracking jokes about how my rear end has to keep up with my front end and he looked at me and said, "oh, no...I was talking about your cheeks. They're really filling out!" I gave him a hug and thanked him for his honesty and we all laughed and then I told him he better call me beautiful in 5 seconds or I'm going to sock him in the face. I'm glad I have Uncle Max around to remind me of my large exterior, because I had forgotten just how large I was getting!

Do I look a little like this Uncle Max? (Except I have more teeth and my nose hasn't caved.)

The kids found their Christmas presents hiding in the back of the car with a big blanket draped over them. I needed to drop them off at Grandma and Grandpa's but they found them first. I lied and told them I was hiding them from my friends kids. That's when Elle started with her questions...
Elle: "Who? Which friend? What's her name?"
Me: "Um, (think fast Mandy, think fast) Laura, she doesn't live by us and you don't know her well. I'm hiding them so her kids don't find them."
Elle: "And she has a little girl that wants a Jeep for Barbies?"
Me: "Yep. Just like you! I think all girls want a Jeep for Barbies. But we have to give these to her soon, so let's cover them up and hide them really well for her."
Elle: "Um....okay."
I could see her wheels turning. And now I have to just hope that she forgets all about it in the next month or so.

Brian started his first week as a Temple worker. He now works 4 hours a week (every Friday night) in the Temple. We're crazy. We have so much free time that we thought we'd give up our date night so he could do this. But the truth is, when your gut tells you to do something, we've learned in the past...you do it. And now he is Mr. Handsome Temple Worker. It really is quite sexy to me. I'll just have to join him every Friday night and that will be our date night.
(Faith, Mandy. Faith. It's called Faith. Not time. Faith.)
Okay.
Got it.
I think we can do this!

I'm craving the beach this week. And I'm realizing it's going to be a while before that craving is satisfied. I could really use a California trip right now.


Owen decided he's done playing with girls. He's been a trooper up until this point. He really tries, but I think it finally got old to him. While the girls were across the street playing girly stuff, he sat on the curb sulking. Unfortunately our neighborhood is full of girls and not a lot of boys. So, he and I played ball and wrestled a lot this week. My 7 month pregnant physique is not so great at wrestling right now.

I spent about 5 hours on Saturday detailing our car. It was quite the chore. Especially with this body. But I'm happy to say that it is free of germs at the moment. I scrubbed the carpet, wiped the nooks and crannies and disinfected the heck out of it. I was so proud of myself.
That is, until we went to get in the car Sunday morning to go to church and we couldn't get out of our driveway. It wouldn't turn in reverse and it wouldn't drive forward without some serious gas effort.

Oh great. What did I do?

When I looked at Brian, I could tell that was his thought too.

"Maybe I de-greased it too well. ??? Maybe this car just isn't used to being so clean. That's my only guess," I said with a forced chuckle.

We all piled out hoping not to be late for the Primary program at church, and we jumped in Brian's car. The car went to the shop that day and I borrowed my in-laws car Monday. The repair shop called Monday night and told me that it was in 4-wheel drive. That's all. I laughed and thanked them for not charging me for being such a moron and waisting their time. Brian was relieved that we still might be able to have a Christmas. I walked away shaking my head at myself.

Elle did a wonderful job on her part in the Primary program. We made it to church on time and she sang and spoke so clearly into the microphone. It was fun to watch her up there. Wow, she's getting big.

Brian has been waking up at 3:00 am every night thinking that he has a bunch of people he's supposed to barbeque for. He gets as far as the bathroom and then he tells himself that they're just going to have to do without steak for the night. And then he goes to bed. It's really funny. He does crazy stuff in his sleep.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant this week. I had my appointment last week at the doctor. It was music to my ears to hear that I hadn't gained any weight since my last appointment. But my belly was measuring 2 weeks earlier. So, the gestational diabetes screening test that I was told I could veto, now became mandatory. That's where you have to drink nasty orange soda stuff an hour before you get your blood drawn. With the previous 2 kids I threw that stuff up. With Elle I threw it up twice. I had to keep going back to do the test. TORTURE is the only word that comes to mind when I think about that drink and that test.
So, I left the Doctor with my drink in tow and he said just come to the Lab and do it when you can in the next 2 weeks.

Okay, fine, arggghhhhh!

My doctor is not conveniently located to me. I have to drive almost a half an hour to another county to see my doctor, because I like to make life hard on myself and it just so happens that I love the hospital where he delivers and he delivered my other kids when I actually lived in that county.
Anyway, Wednesday came (today) and I planned on making a day of it by going to see my family and then taking the test. I avoided all foods with sugar, and practically starved myself all day so that my test wouldn't be jaded by my food. I guzzled the bottle of nasty in 5 minutes, like it said to do. My mom watched and tried the best she could to keep my mind off of it. Then I loaded the kids in the car and we left for the doctor. Meanwhile, my head felt like it was going to swell up and pop off. It started pounding, and my eyes were hurting and my stomach was turning. I was having a massive sugar ache. We pulled into the parking lot and what do you know?

There was not a car in sight.
Empty.
The parking lot was completely empty.

Oh, no. What do we have here?

The sign on the door said, "The Lab will be closed on Veterans Day."
I guess that today would be Veterans Day.

My luck. My brain.
And now I'll get to drink the nasty all over again. I'm so excited.

And that pretty much brings us up to date. Today is Veterans Day, so, I'd like to thank all the Veterans in closing.
And I'm sincere when I say that. Even though the doctor's office was closed, I can forget about that and feel grateful for the service of our Veterans. And that's how I end this on a happy, uplifting note.

Bring on the next 7 days!

One Day...

One day my kids won't ask me for million impossible things each day and I won't have to say "no" to all of them. I really hate saying "no" so much.

One day there will be enough time in the week that Brian and I will sit and stare at each other while twiddling our thumbs. And then maybe we'll break out the Backgammon and play a few games.

One day I will get a full nights sleep.

One day the littlest things won't seem so overwhelming.

One day I won't be 7 months pregnant and such a grouch.

One day I'll stop saying, "Somethings gotta give" so much. I get tired of hearing me say it, I can't imagine how others must feel.

One day we'll all stop yelling.

One day we'll afford all of our expenses and have left-over money to use for our own enjoyment. Work will then become an option. Debt will not be a part of our vocabulary. It will all be gone. I'm talking mortgage...gone. It will be gone one day. And then I won't care so much what the government and the market are doing. Because Brian and I will be too busy trying to win Backgammon.

One day there will be silence long enough for both Brian and I to gather our own thoughts and have time enough to think about what others need. And then we might actually get to help others.

One day I will stop barking orders.

One day our love tanks will be overflowing. There will be love everywhere. It will be so disgustingly sappy. And perfect.

One day I'll sleep on my stomach again.

One day I won't have to strap on an upper body harness to hold my boobs. There are FOUR clasps on my bra right now. FOUR! The straps are like 5 inches wide. No wonder my back hurts!

One day I will only have to say things once. The broken record will be thrown away.

One day everyone will be able to control their bowels (a certain 5 and a certain 3 year old) and I will not have to change poopy-ness ever again. Oh wait, that day is going to be in a long time. I'm about to have a baby. The cycle is starting over. Bring on the poop!

One day, my house will stay clean.

One day, I'll be bored.

And one day, I'll wish that I had all of these days back, because my kids will be gone and I will wish I had them to fret over. I'll get sick of being bored and I'll wish someone made a mess. I'll want to tickle their backs, I'll want to help them learn to read and I'll want to make them whatever they want to eat. So, even though I might be completely losing my mind right now, sleep deprived and a little grouchy, I think it's safe to say that I don't hope "one day" comes too fast.

Halloween

Halloween was a success! We ran from one place to the next and I'm still yawning because of it. I wish we could have Halloween without the candy part though. I guess that wouldn't make much sense but it would make my life easier. Next year I'm doing the switch witch thing. Exchanging candy for money or a toy.

Friday, Elle had a parade at school and a class party. It was fun to be a part of it with her. She was such a cute little ladybug.


But the partying wore her and Owen out and we were just getting started. It was then off to Brian's work to trick or treat. Owen was a super strong Spiderman this year. He played the part well.

It was yet another successful year, parading around his office gathering WAY TOO MUCH candy.

Brian decided to join in the fun this year and actually dress-up. He was a hit. It was hard to fit the two of us down the aisles though. His costume made me feel a whole lot better about myself this year.

(Sumo fighter with an extremely large rear)

We partied hard Friday night. We carved pumpkins and Brian went back to work.

And then, of course, the grand finale was trick or treating Saturday night, chili with friends and hot cocoa and donuts after. The weather was great, the kids survived, I survived and now it's over until next year! Hooray! It was a happy Halloween.